Tony Hayers: There is to be no second series. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one.Alan Partridge: Tony... I've, I've just bought a house. It's like, it's got a Buck Rogers toilet. One yank, all gone.Tony Hayers: We don't owe you a living. You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programs.Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on.Tony Hayers: It's not bollocks. Your programmes were appalling. The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse...Alan Partridge: [mimicking him] They started badly, they got worse... Oh, oh, your programs, your programs...Tony Hayers: Now, you're making a fool of yourself.Alan Partridge: Whooo... whooo... who do you think you are?Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television.Alan Partridge: Oh, let's forget about all this...[He sticks his fork into a large block of stilton cheese on the trolley next to him and lifts it up]Alan Partridge: You want some cheese?Tony Hayers: No, thank you.Alan Partridge: [sniffing it] It's quite nice. Mmm... smells. Do you want to want to smell it?Tony Hayers: No, thank you.Alan Partridge: Smell the cheese.Tony Hayers: No, I don't want to.Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese.Tony Hayers: Alan, please...[Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese, you mother!
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