I'm Alan Partridge1997

Tony Hayers:
There is to be no second series. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one.

Alan Partridge:
Tony... I've, I've just bought a house. It's like, it's got a Buck Rogers toilet. One yank, all gone.

Tony Hayers:
We don't owe you a living. You are someone who has a proven track record for making mostly bad television programs.

Alan Partridge:
That's bollocks, but carry on.

Tony Hayers:
It's not bollocks. Your programmes were appalling. The ratings were a ninth of what we could have expected, they started badly, they got worse...

Alan Partridge:
[mimicking him] They started badly, they got worse... Oh, oh, your programs, your programs...

Tony Hayers:
Now, you're making a fool of yourself.

Alan Partridge:
Whooo... whooo... who do you think you are?

Tony Hayers:
Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television.

Alan Partridge:
Oh, let's forget about all this...

[He sticks his fork into a large block of stilton cheese on the trolley next to him and lifts it up]

Alan Partridge:
You want some cheese?

Tony Hayers:
No, thank you.

Alan Partridge:
[sniffing it] It's quite nice. Mmm... smells. Do you want to want to smell it?

Tony Hayers:
No, thank you.

Alan Partridge:
Smell the cheese.

Tony Hayers:
No, I don't want to.

Alan Partridge:
Smell my cheese.

Tony Hayers:
Alan, please...

[Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]

Alan Partridge:
Smell my cheese, you mother!