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Mortician: We can bury her or burn her.Bereaved: Oh, well which do you recommend?Mortician: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead - but quick. Then we give you a hand full of ashes, which you can pretend were her. Or if we bury her, she gets eaten up by a bunch of weevils and nasty maggots, which as I said before is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead.

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    Quiz

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    Who said, "When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully."?
    A Roy Rogers
    B John Wayne in "The Searchers"
    C Queen Elizabeth II
    D Samuel Johnson