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Simon Cooper: [about finding dates for Will's birthday party] Maybe I'll see what Carli's up to.Jay Cartwright: Not being seen dead with you in a million years, is what she's up to.Simon Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry, Russell Brand, who are you bringing again?Jay Cartwright: Don't worry about me, mate, I'm up to my neck in sluts at the moment. Maybe I'll bring my new f*** buddy along, that little blonde barmaid from the Fox and Hounds.Neil Sutherland: You pulled a barmaid? Nice!Will McKenzie: Has she got any special dietary requirements? It's just I've never cooked for an imaginary woman before.Jay Cartwright: Well, I know she's not allergic to nuts - my nuts...Simon Cooper: - brilliant...Jay Cartwright: - or my cock.Will McKenzie: She only eats small portions then?Jay Cartwright: Well I didn't hear your mum complaining... although her mouth was full at the time.Will McKenzie: Yep. Good one.

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    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

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    "Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more."
    A Tom Cruise
    B Johnny Depp
    C J. K. Rowling
    D Roald Dahl