Angry Mormon Father: [constantly shouting] Timothy! Come here!Timothy the Mormon Manchild: Yes, father.Petrified Mormon Mother: Timothy, your father and I...Angry Mormon Father: SHOOSH! Timothy, your mother and I are going to the opera tonight! Now, I know that before today you have been left in the charge of a BABYSITTER!Timothy the Mormon Manchild: [nods] Yes.Angry Mormon Father: However, today is your thirteenth birthday!Timothy the Mormon Manchild: It is? What day is it? Let me write it down.Angry Mormon Father: Timmy, SHOOSH! Now, since you are 13 years old, your mother and I...[he puts his arm on her shoulder; she yelps]Angry Mormon Father: Your mother and I have decided to leave you alone tonight! I have left the number of the *theater* on the *refrigerator*, I have informed our neighbor, Mr. *Gludge*, that you will be left unattended! Should *any* emergencies arise, you are to go *directly* to him! We will return at 11:30! I expect you in BED, ASLEEP. TEETH. CLEANED. HOMEWORK. DONE!Petrified Mormon Mother: [murmurs incoherently]Angry Mormon Father: SHOOSH! Now, Timothy, since you are 13 years old, I shall now touch you for the first time physically, in the form of a handshake.[they touch hands]Timothy the Mormon Manchild: Wow, my father's hand! It feels just like I thought it would!Angry Mormon Father: Happy birthday, son.Timothy the Mormon Manchild: Thank you, sir!
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