Dennis: Here you go, lads. [The others grab their drinks from the tray] After all the delays, it looks like we're off to Spain tomorrow, so let's have a monumental piss-up. Oz: Oi, oi, hang on. Should we not wait 'til the women get here, eh? I mean, Brenda'll be on her way doon, will she? Neville: Look, I hope you're not going to make her like a misery out there, Oz! Oz: Ohh, man, I'm harsh. Dennis: I tell yer what, she'll not be on her own, because I'm bringing Christine with me. Neville: Are yer? Bomber: You sly old bugger, Patterson. Neville: Fantastic! Barry: That's great, man. I'll get Hazel straight down now. Oz: Oh, eh. Top of the bill, that. Champion. If this new charva drags his tart along, we'll be able to start a formation dance team! Dennis: Look, Oz, I promise you tonight is an all-male evening, right, of alcoholic abuse. Barry: If we're having an evening of celebration and depravity, we could've chosen better than this manky place. Dennis: Alreet, we're only startin' off here, man, aren't wa? We're meetin' this other lad, then we're ganna meet Wayne at the disco. Barry: Aye, but not if Oz and Bomber get on the bloody snooker table, we won't. We'll be here 'till closing time! Bomber: No fair. Bomber wants to go dancing. Dennis: Aye, well we're not gannin to Cannibal's. Bomber: That's fine by me. I hate them small, frenzied discos. What happened to the palais? The big band? The sound of saxophones echoing through the rafters. Barry: I once took tap dancing lessons, y'know. Neville: You did? Oz: Why? Barry: What do you mean, why? Oz: Well... why? Why? Why? Barry: Oh... seeing all those wonderful films with Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Donald O'Connor, wonderful dancers, people like that. [Oz chuckles] I wanted to emulate them. Anyway, me auntie was the teacher so I got a rebate on the lessons. Neville: Come on, then. Do your bit. Dennis: Howay! Oz: Howay! Let's see you dance, Fred(!) Barry: No, I haven't got the right sort of shoes. Neville: Howay, on the floor! [Points to the floor near the bar] Barry: No, it's the wrong sort of floor. Dennis: Look, just do one little bit. You'll not have to buy a drink all night! Neville: Howay, that's fair enough. Oz: [Nudging Barry] Go on, Fred(!) Neville: Come on, on the stage! Barry: [Getting up. Neville moves and sits in Barry's spot] I think I can still remember one little routine. Oz: Hold on, I've got a better idea. [Gets up] Come over here by the dartboard, y'see, then we can put the spotlight on you and you can do yer bit. [Drags Barry to the dartboard and alters the position of the light from the dartboard to towards Barry] Barry: It's been a long time, y'know. Bomber: We'll bear that in mind, Barry. Oz: Right. [Turns the light on] Off yer gan. [Heads back to his seat.] Barry: [Nervously] Right. Er... You've gotta remember that this is the to the tune of Keep Young and Beautiful, right? [Mutters] Feet, don't you fail me now. And... [Starts tapping and singing] Keep young and beautiful / It's your duty to be beautiful / Keep young and beautiful / If you want to be loved. [Spins round while the others watch, barely able to keep themselves from laughing] Keep young and beautiful... It's coming back! [Continues singing] It's your duty to be beautiful... [Stops for a moment as he stumbles before continuing] It's coming back! [Continuing singing] ...If you want to be loved. / Keep young and... if you want to be... The Lads: [Joining in singing] If you want to be, if you want to be loved! [Barry ends on a pose, the other lads cheer before holding up beermats like they were scorecards] Dennis: 2.0, 2.5, 1.5, 2.0, and the trophy won't be goin' to Wolverhampton this year! [They laugh as they throw beermats at Barry as he returns to the table.] Neville: [Laughing, to Barry] And it's your round!

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