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General Burkhalter: This is Colonel Stieffer of the SS. He has a special assignment for you. Klink: A pleasure, Colonel. A real pleasure. Whatever I can do for the SS will be a real privilege. And I am deeply moved by being chosen for this task! I know that this handshake will be the beginning of a long and lasting friendship! SS-Colonel Stieffer: The SS has no friends. Klink: Yes, sir, I think you've got a good idea on that. After all, when you add what you spend on dinner parties, luncheons, gifts- who needs the expense of friendship, when a little hatred doesn't cost you a cent? General Burkhalter: Let Colonel Stieffer talk for a change. Klink: Yes, sir. Schutltz! Not another word out of you until the Colonel is finished. SS-Colonel Stieffer: We have a very special prisoner we're turning over to you. And we expect you to make sure he doesn't escape. Klink: Sir, I can assure you, no one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. SS-Colonel Stieffer: So far he's escaped from nine of your camps since his capture. Klink: Well, he won't be leaving here so easily! General Burkhalter: If he does, you will be leaving yourself. Carrying snow shoes and a Russian road map!

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