Al: 'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
No food was a-stirrin'
Not even a mouse.
Stockings were hung 'round Dad's neck like a tie.
Along with a note that said, "Presents or Die!"
Children were plotting all night in their beds.
While the wife's constant whining was splitting his head.
But Daddy had money
This year in the bank.
But then they closed up early
Now Dad's in the tank.
(later on)
...then all of a sudden, Santa appeared.
A sneer on his face
And booze on his beard.
"Santa," I said as he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others.
"Do something for me"
"Bundy," he said, "You only sell shoes
"Your son is a sneak-thief
"Your daughter's a flooze
"Ho-ho," Santa said, "Shall I mention your wife?
"Her hair's like the A-bomb
"Her nails are like knives"
Then he went to the chimney
That fat piece of dung
He mooned me two times
Then stuck out his tongue.
And I heard him exclaim
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children! You'll never be free."
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