Married... with Children, Season 4

Al:
'Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house

No food was a-stirrin'

Not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung 'round Dad's neck like a tie.

Along with a note that said, "Presents or Die!"

Children were plotting all night in their beds.

While the wife's constant whining was splitting his head.

But Daddy had money

This year in the bank.

But then they closed up early

Now Dad's in the tank.

(later on)

...then all of a sudden, Santa appeared.

A sneer on his face

And booze on his beard.

"Santa," I said as he laughed merrily,

"You do so much for others.

"Do something for me"

"Bundy," he said, "You only sell shoes

"Your son is a sneak-thief

"Your daughter's a flooze

"Ho-ho," Santa said, "Shall I mention your wife?

"Her hair's like the A-bomb

"Her nails are like knives"

Then he went to the chimney

That fat piece of dung

He mooned me two times

Then stuck out his tongue.

And I heard him exclaim

As he broke wind with glee,

"You're married with children! You'll never be free."