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Rubio the Cruel (Steve Rhoades): Men, hide your women, women, hide your heinies! For I'll bring you the unique musical styling of Rubio the Cruel! Rubettes? [three identically dressed pirates line up behind him] Rubio the Cruel: [singing] For I'll be true to the song I sing, and live and die - ha-ha! - a pirate king! For I am a pirate king, and it is, it is, a glorious thing to be a pirate king! Whoo, I am a pirate king...! [dissolve to Rubio singing from the bridge] Rubio the Cruel: [singing] I am the very model of a modern major general, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral... [shot of the pirates and Paco's men all committing suicide, by hanging themselves, stabbing themselves, or just jumping into the ocean; dissolve to Rubio's last number] Rubio the Cruel: [singing] Ding-ding-ding went the bell, zing-zing-zing went my heartstrings... Captain Courage (Al): Now we all know why he's called Rubio the Cruel!

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