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Hegelian Bruce: Ah, here comes the boss fella now! Boss Bruce: [enters with Michael, an Englishman] Ah! G'day, Bruce, hello, Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from Pommyland who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolloomooloo. All: G'day! Boss Bruce: Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce. Classical Bruce: Is your name not Bruce, then? Michael: No, it's Michael. Hegelian Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion. Neopositivist Bruce: Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear? Boss Bruce: Well, gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer. Classical Bruce: [puts on a priest's collar as others bow their heads] Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen. Boss Bruce: Amen! Crack the tubes! Right. [Neopositivist Bruce opens beer cans] Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department. Hegelian Bruce: I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here. All: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce! Boss Bruce: Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Hegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip. Neopositivist Bruce: What does new Bruce teach? Boss Bruce: New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benaud. Hegelian Bruce: Those are cricketers, Bruce. Boss Bruce: Oh, spit. Neopositivist Bruce: Howls! Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce! Boss Bruce: Ha-ha! In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong. All: [stand up suddenly] Australia! Australia! Australia! Australia! We love you! Amen!

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