Monty Python's Flying Circus, Series 2

Hegelian Bruce:
Ah, here comes the boss fella now!

Boss Bruce:
[enters with Michael, an Englishman] Ah! G'day, Bruce, hello, Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from Pommyland who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolloomooloo.

All:
G'day!

Boss Bruce:
Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce; Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.

Classical Bruce:
Is your name not Bruce, then?

Michael:
No, it's Michael.

Hegelian Bruce:
That's going to cause a little confusion.

Neopositivist Bruce:
Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?

Boss Bruce:
Well, gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer.

Classical Bruce:
[puts on a priest's collar as others bow their heads] Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen.

Boss Bruce:
Amen! Crack the tubes! Right. [Neopositivist Bruce opens beer cans] Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.

Hegelian Bruce:
I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.

All:
Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!

Boss Bruce:
Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Hegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip.

Neopositivist Bruce:
What does new Bruce teach?

Boss Bruce:
New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benaud.

Hegelian Bruce:
Those are cricketers, Bruce.

Boss Bruce:
Oh, spit.

Neopositivist Bruce:
Howls! Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!

Boss Bruce:
Ha-ha! In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.

All:
[stand up suddenly] Australia! Australia! Australia! Australia! We love you! Amen!