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Sarge: Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice cream social! Simmons: Ice cream social? Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two. Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here today? Grif: Uhh... is it because the war's over and you're sending us home? Sarge: [sarcastically] That's exactly it, Private. War's over, we won; turns out you're the big hero and we're going to hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here is in charge of confetti! Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir. Sarge: God damn it private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep. Simmons: Oh I'd do it, too. Sarge: I know you would Simmons. Good man. Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Grif: Crap, we're getting a rookie. Sarge: That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, but today we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Lopez, bring up the vehicle. [Lopez drives up in a new jeep] Simmons: Shotgun. Grif: Shotgun... Fuck! Sarge: May I introduce our new Light-Reconnaissance Vehicle. It has 4-inch armor plating, MAG bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen! This is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the "Warthog". Simmons: Why "Warthog", Sir? Sarge: Because "M12 LRV" is too hard to say in conversation, son. Grif: No, but, why "Warthog"? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig... Sarge: Say that again? Grif: I think it looks more like a puma. Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a "puma"? Simmons: Uhh, you mean like the shoe company? Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat, like a lion. Sarge: You're making that up. Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal! Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal. Simmons: Yes, sir! Sarge: Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks? Grif: ...A walrus. Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!

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