[Morty sees Morty Jr. turned into monster in the living room]
Morty: Morty Jr.! Smoking?! That is not okay!
Morty Jr.: What are you gonna do, ground me?! I can't go outside anyway!
Morty: So what?! Y-Y-You could do things inside! Y-You could play guitar, you could masturbate!
Morty Jr.: I don't wanna masturbate! I wanna conquer the planet!
Morty: Oh, here we go again! Y-Y'know, who do you think is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?!
Morty Jr.: Love... that's all you care about! What about weapons?! What about domination of the enemy?!
Morty: All right, that's it! No more History Channel! This TV is for cartoons and video games only!
Morty Jr.: I hate video games!!
Morty: You take that back!! [they fight over the remote] Give it to me!! [pushes Morty Jr.] I-I-I-I— I didn't mean— I didn't mean that! I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry!
Morty Jr.: [runs to the door] I can't take this anymore!! I'd rather breathe poison than live another minute with you!!
Morty: No! No, no, no! Stop!!
[Morty Jr. nudges Morty back and walks out of the house. He takes a deep breath and holds it in; he pauses for a beat]
Morty Jr.: My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government's lame! [runs into the street] Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn't born on Christmas! They moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!
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