James Bond: I was wrong about you, Christmas Jones.
Christmas Jones: How so?
James Bond: I thought Christmas only came once a year.
Christmas Jones: [giggles] Oh, James.
[They kiss; cut to the secret lab where James enters]
Technician 1: There he is!
Technician 2: Oh, I heard you saved the world again!
Technician 1: So you and Christmas Jones, huh? I can't believe you're tapping that!
James Bond: Sorry to break it to you, boys. Miss Jones is already yesterday's news.
[Flashback shows James and Christmas riding in the car]
Christmas Jones: This is me, up on the left.
James Bond: [getting carried away] Oh, that's odd. I'd have thought you lived on 34th street.
Christmas Jones: [nervous chuckle] Oh, right, because of...my name. Ha.
[Scene shows James having sex with Christmas]
James Bond: All right, love, time to dick your halls.
Christmas Jones: Could you maybe stop doing the pun thing?
James Bond: I can't believe I made it this far into Christmas without wrapping my present.
Christmas Jones: Wha-wait a second! I'm not on the pill!
James Bond: Well, I hope you've been dreaming of a white Christmas.
Christmas Jones: [pushes James back on the side of the bed] Ugh! I just got a headache.
James Bond: So, when do I get to meet your friends?
Christmas Jones: Uh...
[Scene cuts to the club party]
James Bond: [to the party goers] So I said, "I thought Christmas only came once a year!"
Christmas Jones: [embarrassed] James...
Female Party Goer: This guy's a tool.
Christmas Jones: No, no. He's got a really cool car.
[Scene shows James and Christmas at the restaurant]
James Bond: You're breaking up with me?
Christmas Jones: There's nothing wrong with you, James. Maybe it's just an age thing.
James Bond: What, you think I'm too old for Christmas?
Christmas Jones: [nervous chuckle] If that helps you, yes.
[Cuts to James, who is drunk, crying for being dumped]
James Bond: [sobbing; takes out a pen gun, and clicks, but it's empty] Oh, come on! One of these [bleep]ing things has to be loaded! [groans, cries]
[Cut back to the present]
James Bond: So I just looked at her, and I said, "Well, I'm sorry, dear, but I'm canceling Christmas!"
Technician 1: Oh, you dog!
Technician 2: You're always humping and dumping. You're the best, James!
James Bond: Ah, you know me, I got to be James. [chuckles, whimpers]
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