Lindsay: [outside a women's health center] So then I heated up the condom in the microwave and I got a turkey baster.
Protester: Wait, I need you to back up.
Lindsay: Okay, so I wanted a popsicle...
Gretchen: Lindsay, do not let those pro-life assholes talk you out of your legal right!
Lindsay: It's okay. I was already having second thoughts before this nice lady came over.
Gretchen: What, why?
Lindsay: If Paul and I get divorced, I'm not gonna have a family anymore. Family. Name one family that's just one person.
Gretchen: Suddenly Susan. Listen, I know that becoming a real human being is a scary thing, but I'll help you. I got your back always.
Lindsay: Thanks, Gretch. All right. I'm ready.
Gretchen: Bam, nice try, terrorists. Another victory for women's rights.
Protester: Actually, I was gonna tell her to do it. In my book, there are extenuating circumstances--rape, incest, and whatever this is.
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