Lawyer: I am so sorry. My apologies, we're so busy today. It's good to see all of you.Dennis: That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it. Listen, would now be a good time to say a few words about my wonderfully warm and caring mother?Dee: No, just get to the reading part.Frank: Get on with it, man. Let's go.Lawyer: All right. Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds?Frank: Yo!Lawyer: OK, uh, Frank, I have something here I need to read to you from Barbara. [reading] "Frank, if your fat monkey heart is still beating, then congratulations. I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children."Dennis: What?!Dee: What?!Frank: Bruce Mathis?!Lawyer: [reading] "A handsome man with a beautiful soul and a nicer penis."Frank: You're giving all of my money to that jerk-off!?Lawyer: You know, Mr. Reynolds, I'm reading what's on the document.Dee: Why are you giving it to him?!Lawyer: I'm not--Dee: She barely even knew him!Lawyer: Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody, you see. I'm just reading what's on a will.Frank: Where is that rat bastard?!Lawyer: Sir, I don't know!Frank: 'Cuz I wanna smash his face, until he's dead--killed dead!Dennis: Frank, would you forget about Bruce?! Mom just gave away all of our money!Lawyer: You know what, we should just move forward, OK? [reading] "For my darling son, Dennis...presumably." [motioning to Dennis] "I give you my house."Dennis: Yeah, OK... well yeah, now it's starting to make sense. Read on.Lawyer: "...on the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in."Dennis: I would never let him in.Frank: What?!Lawyer: Deandra?Dee: Yes.Lawyer: "You get nothing. You were a disappointment and a mistake."Dee: A mistake? We're twins.Lawyer: Yeah...Dee: We were born at the same time. What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.Frank: Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!Lawyer: Okay, I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, 'kay? I don't know your mom, never met your mom. In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now, because she's dead!Dee: Yeah, we know she's dead. We're venting because we're frustrated.Frank: You tell her, she's a goddamned whore--always been a whore!Dee: Whoa whoa, what about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry?Lawyer: It does say something about the jewelry in here, in that um, she wants to be buried in it.Dee: Goddamnit... oh goddamnit!Frank: Oh! Oh! She's taking it into the grave!Dee: Tell you what, you son of a bitch, I'm very disappointed in you today--very upset with you! You tell her from me, that I will be in touch with her, somehow...Frank: Yeah, tell her she's a bitch!Lawyer: These are awkward situations, often, and I know it can be difficult...Dennis: [whispering to the lawyer as Frank and Dee leave] Hey, thanks for the house, dude.Lawyer: You know...[awkwardly "bumping fists" with Dennis] You know, I didn't give you the house...that's not how this whole situation works...Dennis: [gleefully] Yes you did! [laughs]Lawyer: Mmm-hmm, 'kay.[Dennis leaves]Lawyer: [to himself] Jesus Christ.

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