Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Pippa:
Excuse us... I don't know how long you're planning on leaving us in the car, Wayne, but we're, er... bursting for a pee. [Barry pops his head round.]

Wayne:
Yeah, I'm sorry about that, girls. Erm... Barry, does your house yet boast a bog? [Grins at the hitchhikers] I mean, toilet.

Barry:
Yes, er, it's... on the first-floor landing.

Linda:
Thanks.

Pippa:
Thanks! [They go upstairs.]

Barry:
Who are they?

Wayne:
A couple of girls. Linda and Pippa.

Barry:
I can see they're a couple of girls, Wayne(!)

Wayne:
Well they're hitchhikers, in't they? On their way to Ireland by way of Fishguard.

Barry:
Wolverhampton is not a natural stopping-off place on the way to Fishguard, Wayne! Even if you are desperate for a pee!

Wayne:
I know that, Barry, but they're pretty tasty, ain't they? Even in them anoraks.

Barry:
[Exhales, shaking his head] I'm deeply disappointed in you, Wayne!

Wayne:
Why?

Barry:
Because you haven't changed! No growth has taken place since Düsseldorf! Marriage, apparently, has made no impact at all.

Wayne:
Course it has. I mean, before I got married, I'd have jumped them two by Newport Pagnell.

Barry:
Ahhh, still the same unbearable sexist conceit! Still assuming that every female'll be taken in by your transparent Cockney charm!

Wayne:
Hey, those two ain't dim, Barry. They're from Maidstone Poly, so they can map-read, right? So they know it's a bit of a detour, but they're quite willing to stop over.

Barry:
Stop over where?

Wayne:
[Looks around the living room, barely an empty shell] I't ain't exactly the Wolverhampton Hilton, is it? But it'll do.

Barry:
Oi, oi, oi. Oi, oi! You're not doing it here! No-one's doing it here. Not before I do. [The toilet upstairs flushes.]

Wayne:
Oh, take your pick, I ain't fussy!

Barry:
Do you mind?! I'm taking about my bride-to-be, Hazel! This place is... well, it's sacred to us.

Wayne:
[Examining the bare walls] Oh yeah. Yeah, it's a temple Barry, I can see that(!)

Barry:
And you and I are meeting Haze at eight o'clock in the Wei Ling.

Wayne:
In the Wei-what?

Barry:
The Wei Ling. The finest Pekingese cuisine in the whole of the West Midlands. [The two hitchhikers come downstairs.]

Pippa:
Did somebody mention Chinese food? [Barry turns round with a look of worry on his face.]