Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Neville:
I always thought that wrestling was rigged.

Bomber:
If that's the case, Neville, how come I always bloody well lose? [They laugh]

Barman:
Last orders, please!

Dennis:
Here, chief. What d'you want, Nev?

Neville:
I'm all right, lads.

Bomber:
Oh, just half.

Dennis:
Er, I'll have a large Scotch and no ice, thanks. [Leaves the money on the bar and goes off to the toilet.]

Bomber:
Right. A pint and a half of bitter, a large Scotch, no ice. [Den leaves the bar.] Den's knocking back the hard stuff. Or is it just the excitement of the occasion?

Neville:
Ah, I've hardly seen him, Bomb, actually. Oh, mind, I did have a drink with him last week and he was knocking back the Scotches at dinner time.

Bomber:
Oh, it's all right if you can afford it.

Neville:
Course he went back to the family and that, but it never worked out.

Bomber:
Is that right? So he gives up Dagmar and ends up with nothing. It must have hurt him pretty hard.

Wayne:
[Comes to the bar] Look, lads, I've been addressing meself to the problems of accomodation. Apparently, there's a B&B down the road, or there's a lovely motel half a mile past the roundabout.

Bomber:
Motel.

Wayne:
Yeah, I fancy the latter meself. [The pub phone rings.]

Neville I thought we were all goin' for a curry.

Wayne:
Oh, no, Nev. I'm gonna give the vindaloo a miss. I've never found it much conducive to romance.

Barman [Having answered the phone] Is there a Dennis Patterson here?

Neville:
Aye. That must be Dennis. [Dennis returns to the bar] Den, there's a phone call for you.

Dennis:
Eh?

Neville:
Phone.

Dennis:
It cannae be for me, man. Naebody knows I'm here.

Neville:
No, honest.

Barman:
Are you Dennis Patterson?

Dennis:
Aye. [The barman signals for Dennis to come round to the phone. Dennis does so.] Hello?

Bomber:
So where are we staying then, Nev?

Neville:
Eh? I dunno. Barry's, I suppose.

Wayne:
There ain't many amenities, mate. If I were you, I'd come with us. I might need a bit of, er... immoral support. [Tipping his head to the hitchhikers. Dennis returns to the bar.]

Neville:
Who was that, Den? Was it Norma?

Dennis:
Nah. It was Barry.

Bomber:
Is he comin' back?

Dennis:
[Downing his Scotch] No. He'd rather we went across to see him. Yeah... he's been breathalysed! [He and Neville laugh.]