Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Wayne:
He's got a bleedin' nerve, that Barry, eh? Asks us all up here to help 'im out then does a runner.

Neville:
Went to see Hazel, didn't he?

Wayne:
Against my explicit instructions, yes! All those hours I wasted in Germany tutoring 'im in the ways of the opposite sex.

Moxey:
I'm not so sure they're your strong suit anymore, otherwise you would've had to pay for those two birds last night.

Wayne:
Cheap at half the price, son.

Moxey:
Ah, bollocks.

Wayne:
You weren't there, were you, Mox?

Bomber:
No. But I was. And I heard them turnin' you away! [He and Neville chuckle]

Neville:
I dunno what you were thinkin' of in the first place, I thought you were supposed to be a married man now.

Wayne:
[Gets up, defensively all of a sudden] Christa and I have an understanding, Neville. We've got a modern marriage.

Neville:
What, you mean it won't last? [Wayne points at Neville, then goes to sit on the windowsill]

Bomber:
Where is that lad, er... whats-his-name?

Neville:
Trevor.

Moxey:
Trev. He prefers Trev.

Bomber:
Oh, does he? [Shouts] Trevor? [Looks to the window directly above Wayne where Trevor is painting] Trevor!

Trevor [Opens the window] The name's Trev.

Bomber:
Whatever it is, sunshine, put the kettle on, eh?

Trevor:
I'm not a bloody tea boy, you know!

Wayne:
Well, what are ya, then?

Trevor:
I'm an apprentice.

Bomber:
Well, we're skilled craftsmen doin' a mate a favour, so put that bloody kettle on! [Trevor slams the window down, showing debris on Wayne below.]

Wayne:
Obviously a graduate of the John McEnroe school of charm and decorum.