Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Dennis:
Hey, I heard you been hoyed off of the Falklands, like.

Oz:
Oh, did ya hear? Aye, what'd it say on the charge sheet? "The first person to be forcably ejected since the Argentinians."

Dennis:
Aye, quite an honour that! Congratulations!

Oz:
Well... actually, wasn't all doon ta me. What happened was... I had a.. I was standin' at this bar, on me own, yer kna, mindin' me own business, ya know me. And, er... next thing was... in marches these bloody paratroopers. Ooh! Y'ever come across them? What a bunch of heid-the-baws! Anyway... next thing was crash-bang-wallop, and I'm bein' marched up the gangplank of a bloody Hercules between two gnarly MPs! [Exhales] What a journey that is! Halfway roond the world and all I see is a bog on Ascension Island!

Dennis:
Rough, was it?

Oz:
Was nae picnic. [Burps loudly]

Dennis:
So, what d'you do then, then?

Oz:
Well, I got back, had mesel' a couple o' nights in London, yer kna, which I deserved, like, after six months in the Falklands, where men are men, and sheep get nervous! [He and Dennis chuckle]

Dennis:
So, yer spent all yer readies, eh?

Oz:
Aye... no... well, what happened was, yer kna, I got back, I was ganna come up 'ere, but, well... yer kna, what things have been like between me an' wor Marjorie over the last few years haven't been exactly what you can call idyllic, as I wor sayin', and then I rings her up from Brize Norton... some strange gadgy answers the phone! So I simply put two an' two together and realised that things had deteriorated even farther, yer kna! But yer kna me, Dennis, I've never been one to shirk family responsibilities, so I went doon and bought the bairn a train set at Hamley's, then I went doon ta Gatwick and got on a flight to Florida.

Dennis:
Florida?!

Oz:
Aye, Florida, yer kna, in America, man. Was nowt, man. It was, er, what? Dirt cheap, was £289 for fourteen nights, we had board, an' yer had all yer grub...

Dennis:
I kna, but that's a fortnight, an' you've been away nearly a year!

Oz:
Ah, well what happened was I missed the plane on the way... [The phone, next to Oz, interrupting him mid-sentence.] I'll get it. [He picks up the receiver, and speaking in a posh accent] Hello, Pattersons'! Who? Ally Fraser?!

Dennis:
[Grabbing the receiver from Oz mid-sentence] Give us that here! Hello, Ally. Yeah, it's Dennis. Yeah... yeah, look, I-I'll explain when I get there, right? I'm comin' straight over. [He puts the phone down] Mate, I've gotta gan, Oz.

Oz:
Eh?

Dennis:
[Putting his jacket on and pointing to the door] Howay, I've gotta gan, man! [He heads into the hallway]

Oz:
Oh, reet. [Gets up out of his chair and follows Dennis] What's he doin' ringin' yer up, Fraser?

Dennis:
I work for him.