Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Norma:
[As a waitress takes their plates] Well, that was delicious, Dennis. Thanks very much, love.

Dennis:
D'you want a sweet?

Norma:
Oh, I shouldn't really, but... I might think about it later. [To the waitress] Give us a few minutes, pet.

Dennis:
Nothing for me, thanks. I'll have a brandy though, when you've got five minutes. [The waitress leaves. Dennis downs his glass of wine.]

Norma:
I must say this is a rare treat for me, Den.

Dennis:
Well, it's a thank you, Norma. Thank you for givin' us a bed and board, doin' me laundry, puttin' up with me moods, helpin' us with the kids when they come over.

Norma:
This place can't be cheap, though.

Dennis:
Ahh, it's all right. I'll lay some of it off on Ally. Consultations with the architect.

Norma:
Well he can afford it, he'll never notice the difference. D'you know, I saw that Vicky in Fenwicks about a month ago? She had coat on that would've paid for this hotel!

Dennis:
Aye, she's done all right for herself, young Vicky. Mind you, I've always said she'd go far with legs like hers!

Norma:
How long though, Den?

Dennis:
Oh, I just admire them, Norma. I've never measured them.

Norma:
No, man. I'm talkin' about how long before Ally Fraser dumps her! Or before dumps you for that matter.

Dennis:
Ohh, now, let's not start on Ally again.

Norma:
I can't help it, Den! I don't like the man, he gives me the creeps. And I hate you workin' for him, and don't tell me you enjoy it 'cos I know you don't. I know why you're doin' it, of course, for the bairns.

Dennis:
[Defensively] Well, I wouldn't be here if I didn't!

Norma:
Yes, but you're trying to pretend that you're happy. I know you're not. That's you haven't been in touch Neville or any of your friends, isn'it? You try to hide it from me, but I can see right through you, Den. I can see the strain you're under.

Dennis:
Well, this... isn't helpin', is it?

Norma:
See what I mean? See how edgy you are? And you're drinkin' far too much.

Dennis:
Just 'cos I've ordered a brandy?

Norma:
It's got nothin' to do with that. I'm talking about the number of empties I have to throw out every single week!

Dennis:
Look, let's not have another row, eh, Norma? Look, at least the job I've got now suits me fine. I'm doin' what I know, what I'm best at. I've got a team of lads who are doin' a hard day's graft, six days a week, so there's no problems, okay? [Norma shrugs.] Let's see the sweet trolley, yeah? [Sees Oz enter the bar] Oh, Christ.

Norma:
Who is it?

Dennis:
Problems.

Oz:
[Noticing Dennis and Norma] Whoa! How, Den!

Dennis:
How, Oz.

Oz:
[To Norma] Hello, Norma. Again. [They shake hands]

Norma:
Hello, pet.

Oz:
Alreet? [Looks around the restaurant] Right canny place though, but, isn'it? Nice nosh?

Norma:
Yeah, it's lovely.

Oz:
Aye. Bet it is. [The waitress brings the sweet trolley] Oh, strawberries! [Picks a strawberry from the trolley]

Dennis:
Are y'all here?

Oz:
Aye. [Throws a strawberry into the air and catches it in his mouth.] We're in the back bar, we've been scouring for action.

Norma:
Did you find anything?

Oz:
What? Roond here? You must be joking! More chance of findin' a nun in a knocking shop.

Maitre D:
[Approaching the table] Excuse me, sir? Is this gentleman joining you?

Dennis:
Er, no. No.

Oz:
Oh, right, right. Got yer, got yer. [Grabs a few strawberries] Well, look, if yer fancy a snecklifter, we're in the back bar when you finish. [Stuffs a strawberry into his mouth] Nice to see you again. Ta-ra.

Norma:
Ta-ra, pet. [Oz leaves for the public bar. The waitress pushes the sweet trolley towards the table.]

Dennis:
What do you fancy?

Norma:
[Examining the trolley closer] I think I'll have the creme caramel, please. [The waitress gets a creme caramel and puts the dish on top of a plate]

Waitress:
Do you want cream, madam?

Norma:
Oh no, I'd better not. [The waitress places the creme caramel in front of Norma.]

Dennis:
Nothing for me, thanks. Can I have that brandy, please?

Waitress:
Oh. Yes, sir.

Dennis:
A large one. [The waitress leaves with the sweet trolley.]

Norma:
[While tucking into her creme caramel] When I was in the video shop, I talked to Audie Charles.

Dennis:
Aye?

Norma:
Seems she'd been chatting to this woman, and your name came up in the conversation. This woman said that you owe Ally Fraser money.

Dennis:
What? Who? Which woman?

Norma:
Look, I don't know who it was, man. It was a friend of Audie's. The point is, is it true? Is that why he's got such a hold over you?

Dennis:
He hasn't got any sort of hold over me! Look, the reason I work for Ally Fraser is 'cos he trusts me. He's surrounded by so many arselickers, they'd be pished for an answer if he said hello!

Norma:
Dennis! Do you mind?

Dennis:
Look, in case you haven't noticed, Norma, you can't be too choosy about the work you do anymore, especially up our way! [The waitress brings Dennis a brandy.] Thank you.

Norma:
Look, man. It's not that I'm trying to get at yer. I'm just concerned about your state of mind. [As Dennis takes a drink of his brandy] I'm concerned about your health.

Dennis:
[Puts his glass down] Well, don't be.