Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Vicky:
Did y'ever see The Thomas Crown Affair?

Fraser:
...Nah, I never went to rock concerts, Vicky, I was busy working.

Vicky:
Man, it was a film! An' in it, Steve McQueen an' Faye Dunaway seduced each other across the chessboard. [Ally doesn't react] Well, it was a very sexy scene.

Fraser:
Really? I imagine you might find that a wee bit uncomfortable, all these bits stickin' into yer bum! [The phone rings. Fraser goes to answer it.]

Vicky:
Will yer make a move now? Otherwise I'm gonna be here all day! [Fraser moves a Pawn one space forward and heads to the phone] Oh, live dangerously, why don't yer(?)

Fraser:
[Answering the phone. It's Howard Radcliff, the architect working on Thornely Manor] Yes? Oh, good morning, Howard, yes. How are ya?

Howard:
[From his new office in a town near to the manor] I'm extremely well, Ally, thank you. I just thought I'd let you know that our planning application's in, and that my personal contact on the council says there'll be no trouble.

Fraser:
Good, I'm very pleased to hear that.

Howard:
My new drawings are also coming along nicely.

Fraser:
Good.

Howard:
I just thought now would be an opportune time to discuss the costing of the materials. I've drawn up three different budges for fitting the surfaces and other interior details.

Fraser:
And, er... how are they running at?

Howard:
At £22,000, £48,000, and top of the range, £65,000.

Fraser:
[As Vicky's Bishop takes one of his Pawns] ...Aye, well, I think, Howard, in view of the revised nature of the premises, er... I think it would be a wee bit of a pity to waste all your fancy-dan trappings on people with one foot in the grave. I think we should err on the side of caution, don't you, Howard?

Howard:
As you wish, Ally, but the first figure I quoted is an absolute rock-bottom, using the cheapest materials available.

Fraser:
That's all right, I've already laid out enough cash on this project. It's time I started earning a nest egg for my old age. So, I want no corner left uncut, Howard. Do you understand? And you can pass that on to Dennis too.

Howard:
Will do. Incidentally, it may interest you to know that he and his lads are currently staying at the house.

Fraser:
Ah... Aye, well, don't mention it just yet then, Howard, but sometime in the future it might be wise to broach the little subject of rent with them.

Howard:
[Chuckles] I'll get the meters read as well, if you like.

Fraser:
I was not joking, Howard!

Howard:
Right. Well, I'll get the plans out to you by the weekend, Ally.

Fraser:
Lovely. I'll look forward to seeing them then. Okay. Bye for now, then. Bye, Howard. [Puts the phone down and focuses back on the chessboard] My God. If Faye Dunaway played chess like you, she'd be lucky if she got a good night kiss. [Gets up, blows a kiss on his palm, which he rubs on Vicky's cheek]