Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Wayne:
Alright, lads?

Oz:
What's all this?

Wayne:
Well, I thought I'd had a night in with the old gogglebox.

Neville:
Where'd all this lot come from?

Wayne:
I got it, didn't I? It was the least I could do under the circumstances, seeing as I dropped you lot in it.

Dennis:
What's the programme, then? [The TV shows Kenny Ames playing golf in the grounds of Thornely Manor]

Wayne:
It's one of them tapes Oz and Bomber found. I'm not a conniseur of porn, but this looks like a golf lesson to me.

Oz:
Well, fast-forward it a bit. [Wayne does so. No porn, only golf.] Well this is aboot as interestin' as the car park at The Barley Mow, innit, eh?

Wayne:
Ere! Hang on! I did take the liberty of renting a tape for the evening. A bit of a culture delight.

Neville:
What is it?

Wayne:
The Stud. [The lads shout in anticipation as Wayne puts the video in] Thought Joan Collins would go down well. [Unfortunately it's not that film, but a film about a horse]

Barry:
I don't remember this bit...

Oz What's this? That's not The Stud, ya duck egg, man! That's Black Beauty! [The lads groan in disappointment]

Dennis:
Well, it's an easy enough mistake, I mean they've both got horses in the title, mind.

Bomber:
Well, that was a short-lived pleasure.

Wayne:
Yeah, no, hang on! Hang on! Got one more left though! Let's see what's on this one... [Puts the tape in... and it's one of Kenny Ames's sex parties at Thornely Manor]

Oz:
[Points at the TV] Hey, this is this! This is this room, right here, man! Look! [The camera pans round showing Kenny with some younger girls]

Dennis:
Hey, look, it's Kenny Ames! [The lads watch in excitement at the goings-on... then the camera pans round to reveal Arthur Pringle in the arms of a scantily clad younger woman! The lads point and laugh loudly before quietning down so they can hear the TV]

Pee-Wee:
I'm Pee-Wee. What's your name?

Pringle:
[Aroused] It's... Pringle. Arthur Pringle.

Pee-Wee:
Hello, Arthur. And what do you do?

Pringle:
I run the... local pub. Kenny Ames invited me here.

Pee-Wee:
Oh, are you local? Kenny told us to be nice to you. You do want me to be nice to you, don't you, Arthur?

Pringle:
Call me... Call me "Tiger". [The lads laugh uproariously as Pee-Wee gets down and dirty with Pringle]