Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Wayne:
...No. I can't give you a number, I'm in the north of England, aren't I? ...Look, if this Spanish job comes up, I'll be away, so I just thought maybe we should get together and... [Fraught] Alright, if you can't, you can't, okay? Give me love to your folks(!) [Puts the phone down and follows Brenda into the kitchen.]

Brenda:
Hello, Wayne. Did Neville get you some lunch?

Wayne:
Yeah, shared some cottage pie with Debbie.

Brenda:
Where is Neville? [Fills a kettle]

Wayne:
Taken her down the park. She's a lovely kid, eh?

Brenda:
Yeah. Fancy some tea?

Wayne:
If you're making some. Here, look. [Tosses some money onto the worktop.] I used the phone, that should cover it.

Brenda:
I'm sure that's too much, Wayne.

Wayne:
Well, I did rabbit on a bit, and it was to Germany.

Brenda:
Phoning your wife, are ya? Neville said she was in Germany. She visiting her family?

Wayne:
Yeah...

Brenda:
Fancy some toast? I'm starving.

Wayne:
[Sits at the kitchen table] Well actually, Christa isn't visiting her parents... she's gone back there. She's pregnant.

Brenda:
That's wonderful!

Wayne:
No it ain't. She's not sure whether she wants to have it, but, she is sure she don't wanna stay with me. [Brenda comes to the kitchen table and sits down.] I blew it, Brenda. See... I really wanted to be married to her, you know, but... I guess I'm just too immature to be married.

Brenda:
Other women?

Wayne:
Yeah. Look, the point of loving someone is to prove it to 'em, right? Which means giving all the rest of the birds the elbow, not responding to every bit of skirt that passes you in the street, not being tempted by and bird that flashes you in the boozer, you know. I mean... I wanted it both ways, and... that's out of order, isn't it?

Brenda:
I'm afraid it is, Wayne.

Wayne:
'Ere, look, don't tell Neville about this, eh? I don't want the lads to find out. You're the only woman I've told about this apart from Hazel.

Brenda:
Is Hazel one of the other women?

Wayne:
No. No, Hazel, Barry's fiancée Hazel.

Brenda:
Oh, Hazel! Yes, sorry.

Wayne:
[Laughs.] It's funny, innit? I find it so much easier talking to birds about this than fellas. Suppose that's the old ego, eh?

Brenda:
You know, Wayne, if you tell Christa what you told me and Hazel, well that might make all the difference in the world.

Wayne:
Nah, it wouldn't. Not unless I changed, and I can't see that happening, love. I mean, basically I want every woman there is in the world. Present company excluded, of course!

Brenda:
[Not knowing whether to be complimented or insulted] Oh, thanks very much!

Wayne:
Oh, no, no! Not that I don't find you attractive... No, I mean, I wouldn't do it with a mate's bird, nah... Not that I wouldn't want to... 'Cos, if you know what I mean with me mate... and you're very... so we could... [Brenda chuckles to herself as Wayne gets more flustered. The toast pops.]

Brenda:
[Getting up to see to the toast] I think I understand, Wayne! It's not uncommon in men of your age. You seem to feel... you need to prove that your sexual magnetism still works.

Wayne:
Yeah, yeah, I suppose that's it then, eh?

Brenda:
Jam or Marmite?