Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Dennis:
This must be the one.

Oz:
Well, there's nae car about.

Dennis:
They might have gone into town.

Bomber:
Maybe they're round the back. [They go into the back garden.]

Dennis:
[Calls out] Hello? [No answer.]

Barry:
This is all very nice, innit? [They find the pool.]

Wayne:
Well, the pool's a bit small, ain't it?

Neville:
[Cranky] An' yours is Olympic size, is it? The one in your back yard in Tilbury?

Wayne:
[Points at Neville] Huh, what's wrong with her, eh? Got out of the wrong side of the bed, did she?

Neville:
Yeah, seventeen times! [Dennis looks into the villa through the patio doors.] D'ya think I slept with the racket you lot were making? At seven o'clock, them Spanish brickies were back on the job.

Oz:
Where was this?

Neville:
About three feet from my pillow!

Moxey:
Ah, we don't get that, we're all on the other side of the hotel.

Neville:
Who arranged that?

Dennis:
I did, Nev. Well, I thought the further away you and Brenda and the bairn were from the lads, the better, yer kna?

Bomber:
What's Ally want us to do, Dennis? I thought it wasn't supposed to be finished.

Dennis:
Er... he wants the swimming pool extending, and a terrace built.

Bomber:
[Sees there's a drop from the side of the pool to the ground below] Well, you can only build a terrace that way. [Points to the drop] Have to cantilever it.

Dennis:
Aye. He wants a cascade building over it as well, and a brick barbecue. [The lads start walking to the pool.]

Wayne:
Well, we should do that first. Then we can have barbecued chicken for lunch every day, eh?

Oz:
Well, I've gotta admit, Dennis, you certainly came up trumps for the boys in this one. This is, without doubt, the pleasantest building site I've ever worked on.

Barry:
Beats Dusseldorf hands down.

Oz:
Oh aye, an' we can have a dip every day an' all!

Barry:
Er, no. No, actually, no. Not if we're extending the pool we're not, unless you want to dive straight into a heap of rubble.

Oz:
Well, that's all the more reason to get in there now, innit?

Moxey:
Oh, yeah! Will that be all right, Den? Can we?

Dennis:
Well, I dunno, really. It's not our pool, is it?

Moxey:
Ah, hey, Den! We're not a bunch of lepers, y'know! It's not as if we're gonna pollute the bloody thing.

Oz:
Well, even if we dae, we'll be pulling the plug this afternoon, so... [Barry and Wayne check the temperature of the water.]

Barry:
Ah, I must admit, a dip would be very refreshing, wouldn't it, particularly before a hard day's graft. This sun'll be right overhead soon.

Wayne:
Yeah, and Ally said we should make out like tourists, didn't he?

Dennis:
[Thinks for a few seconds and looks around] Ah, howay then. [The lads cheer]

Moxey:
Ah, right!

Oz:
Right! [The lads, except Bomber, start taking their clothes off.]

Bomber:
Not me. Bomber can't swim.

Wayne:
Go on! [Oz pushes Bomber in the pool. Bomber quickly makes for the pool steps.]

Neville:
[Realising] Hey, hang on a minute. None of us has got cossies!

Oz:
It's not formal, man. Naked, as nature intended it to be.

Wayne:
That's right. [Takes his underpants off.] See, this way, I can get an all-over tan. [Dives into the pool. Barry and Neville quickly follow suit.]

Dennis:
I just hope that Vicky doesn't come out and find seven brickies' dongs floating in the water! [Bomber pulls something from the water's surface and is disgusted by it.]

Moxey:
Not on an empty stomach, no! [They're all in the pool now.]