Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Dennis:
Afternoon, Ally. Didn't expect to see you back this early. [Fraser produces a copy of The Sun.]

Oz:
Is that an English paper you got there?

Fraser:
That's right, Oz, I've got an English paper. Something I'd like to read to you here, boys, I don't want to take up too much of your valuable time. If you just gather around, please. [The lads down tools and gather round Fraser.] Right. Are we all sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. [Reads from the paper] "Spain's Costa del Crime is still a haven for the growing band of Brits who Scotland Yard are," quote, "'anxious to question'. Kenny Ames, 47, who persists in denying he was Britain's King of Porn, continues to sun himself on his luxury yacht in Marbella."

Barry:
Ah, that sounds like the one we were on, is it?

Fraser:
[Continues reading] "No doubt, his companions, newly arrived from England are business associates." [He puts the paper down for the others to see.]

Moxey:
[Pointing to the photo] Hey, that's us!

Oz:
Hey, look at that! Centre spread!

Wayne:
I've seen much better photos of me than that one, though.

Neville:
What's Brenda's folks ganna say?

Fraser:
Dennis, read on.

Dennis:
[He picks up where Fraser left off.] "I spoke exclusively to the new arrivals in their luxury hotel."

Moxey:
In their what?!

Dennis:
"They were evasive about their reasons for being in Spain, one of them claiming that they were members of the Wolverhampton Aqualung Society." [Looks at Barry, then back at the paper.] "Research has shown that no such club exists. Meanwhile, police continue their search for the gang who pulled off the daring payroll robbery in Sheffield last week." [The lads voice their disdain.]

Bomber:
Who wrote that rubbish?

Dennis:
Er... Nick Wheeler.

Oz:
Wasn't that geezer who was buyin' all the booze in the bar the other neet called Nick?

Moxey:
Aye, it was, yeah.

Fraser:
Is this your idea of keeping a low profile?

Dennis:
Why, that story's a load of bollocks!

Fraser:
I know that, and I bet half of Fleet Street knows that, and in their effort to discredit this story they'll be down here buzzing 'round you like flies 'round a jam jar!

Neville:
Well, why don't we just tell 'em we're ordinary gadgys?

Fraser:
[Presses the paper to Neville's chest] Working on my villa, I suppose? Well that's precisely exactly what I'm trying to avoid, my friend!

Neville:
Oh. Sorry.

Dennis:
Wait a minute, I mean, we can still be ordinary gadgys. Just down here on holiday. We just have to make it look convincing, that's all.

Fraser:
And how do we do that, Dennis?

Dennis:
Well, er... you'd better give us the rest of the week off.