Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Moxey:
Hello

Lionel:
Oh, hello, mate. Where's the rest of your mob, then?

Moxey:
Oh, er, they're on the beach. Could I have a lager, please?

Lionel:
Ah, that's a shame. Look, I've given it place of honour on the wall. [Shows Moxey the photo and headline from the previous episode pinned to the wall behind the bar.]

Moxey:
Oh, 'ey, we asked you not to do that. It's bloody embarrassin', y'know.

Leather:
[From behind his copy of The Sun] You'll get used to it, son.

Moxey:
Oh, hello, Mr. Leather.

Leather:
[Puts the paper down] Oh. Terry, please. And you're, er..?

Moxey:
Oh, er, Moxey. We didn't go courtin' that publicity, y'know.

Leather:
I'm sure you didn't. None of us goes chasing newsprint, do we? But, you see, if you adjourn over here suddenly, leaving a few question marks behind, it's bound to happen, ain't it?

Moxey:
Aye. S'pose so, yeah.

Leather:
And also, Moxey, what you've got to remember is that these people... [Points to his paper] ...these so-called gentlemen of the press are, in fact, the scum of the earth. You wouldn't say hello to 'em on a lonely day.

Moxey:
Very true, Terry. [Leather picks up his glass] 'Ere, what's that you're drinkin'? Er, Scotch, is it?

Leather:
Yeah, cheers. [Finishes his Scotch] Malt.

Moxey:
[To Lionel] Er, a malt for, er, Terry and, er, I'll have a lager, please.

Lionel:
[To the barmaid] Jenny? Serve the gentleman, love.

Leather:
You see, these people do not have one iota of respect for privacy of the individual. [Scoffs] Let me tell you, lad, Princess Di, Joan Collins and Hurricane Higgins? They've got my upmost sympathy for the intrustions that they incur.

Moxey:
People always wanna have a got a you when you're famous, don't they?

Lionel:
Yeah, some of those no-marks made a bob or two out of your exploits, eh, Tel?

Leather:
Don't remind me! There was this geezer lived down our street in Ilford, see. Now, I have met that bloke twice, right? Once when I picked my little girl up from his kid's bonfire night party, and once when he borrowed my hovering lawnmower. Well, next thing I know, he's... he's managed to stretch these brief encounters into three instalments of "The Villain on My Doorstep"! [Chuckles]

Moxey:
Aye, we certainly learnt our lesson. We're keepin' our heads down from now on.

Lionel:
Ah, so you'll be staying down here for a bit, will you?

Moxey:
Well, I think the others will be movin' on, like, y'know, but, er, I'm gonna stick around for a while, yeah.

Leather:
You'll be needing a drum, then.

Moxey:
You what? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Leather:
Well, what you got in mind? A villa? Condo?

Moxey:
Somethin' like that, yeah.

Leather:
Listen, Moxey, anything you want, feel free. Investment advice, real estate, a new motor. I mean, we know a few people. D'you understand me?

Moxey:
Thanks, Terry. Thanks very much. Actually, there is somethin' you could, er, help us out with, like.

Leather:
Sure.

Moxey:
Er, it might sound a bit soft, but er... don't know of any plasterin' jobs goin' round 'ere, d'you?

Leather:
Now, hang on, you can't be short of a few bob, surely?

Moxey:
No? No! It's just a way of, er... passin' the time, like.

Leather:
Ah, I don't understand you Northern lads. Must be all that Hovis you eat!