Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Sid:
Hello, lads!

Ronnie:
Sorry to interrupt, but I can see you're busy.

Oz:
Who are you?

Sid:
[Pulls out a dictaphone] Have you lads got a few words to say to the press?

Oz:
[Scoffs] Aye, yes. I've got two, and the second one's "off".

Bomber:
Go on and beat it. We're in enough trouble because of you buggers.

Ronnie:
We know about that, but we want to help you lads.

Wayne:
Here, you wouldn't happen to know the Norwegian for "Can I get into your knickers?", would you? [Chuckles]

Sid:
Look, the more you stall us, the more difficult it's gonna be for you in the end.

Oz:
Look, look. [To Wayne] Gan have a swim. [Wayne walks off. To the journalists] Look, that rubbish in the papers wasn't true, right? It was a load of crap, alright? We're not bank robbers, man, for Christ's sake!

Ronnie:
Lovely, we wanna believe that too, so we can write spoilers on that crap Nick Wheeler wrote.

Sid:
So, just tell us who you really are and what you're doing here, and we'll all go home. [Holds his dictaphone right in Oz's face]

Oz:
Just mind yer own business! [Shoves the dictaphone away.]

Ronnie:
Hey, hey, you're not helping us, son!

Bomber:
Look, boyos, what that bloke wrote was a load of cobblers. We know it, so why should we have to prove it to you?

Sid:
So we can deny it on your behalf.

Wayne:
[Returns] Oh yeah? So the other mob can deny it again, and erm, it's a vicious circle, innit?

Oz:
'Ere, I've had enough of these bastards! [Snatches the dictaphone from Douglas] I'm gonna bury them in the sand, head first, eh?

Ronnie:
Hey, hold on, hold on.

Oz:
Head first! [Takes the tape out of the dictaphone and throws it away, before throwing the dictaphone away.]

Ronnie:
Here, hold on, son!

Oz:
'Ere? What?

Ronnie:
We can always head back to England and write you up as holidaying scroungers from the dole queue!

Oz:
[Menacingly] Can yer?

Sid:
It's all right! It's all right, it'll probably take a day or two to realise it's all in your own... [Turns round and sees Bomber stood up and glaring down at him.] ...Come on, Ronnie! [The two journalists run away.]

Bomber:
Remind me not to buy the English papers when I get home!