Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Oz:
Pepe? If yer can walk and walk at the same time, get a couple of beers oot the fridge.

Barman:
[On the phone] Espera, te llamo en un segundo, yeah? (Hang on, I'll call you in a second, yeah?) [The Oxlades are shocked to see Oz and Bomber here. Pepe puts the phone done.] Yes, er... gentlemen?

Bomber:
Two beers, matey, por favour.

Barman:
Dos cervezas... [Gets two beers from under the counter]

Bomber:
Gracias.

Oz:
That's what he said.

Pauline:
How they've got the brass neck to come in here, I do not know!

Geoffrey:
[Clutching his Bloody Mary] I suppose it's their idea of fun to sport their ill-gotten gains in this manner.

Pauline:
Geoffrey, are you going to do something?

Geoffrey:
Yes, Pauline, I will. And I'm already composing a strong letter to The Times!

Oz:
[To the barman] Any chance of getting them poured, or does that cost more in here? [The barman doesn't respond. He tills up, a lot of beeps come from the till.]

Bomber:
I don't like the sound of that, Oz.

Barman:
Will the gentlemen be staying for lunch?

Bomber:
The gentlemen haven't decided yet.

Barman:
In that case, if the gentlemen would be so kind. [Hands them their bill.]

Oz:
[Checks the bill and burps.] What's this? We asked for two beers, man, not twenty-two!

Barman:
The gentlemen are free to drink elsewhere if they wish.

Oz:
[Digs into his pocket. He turns round as he does... and notices Fraser and Vicky] Oh, there's Fraser! [Fraser facepalms] Ally! Ally! [He gets up] All right? Is it all right if we stick these on your account?

Fraser:
And, eh, what are you two tearaways doing here, eh?

Bomber:
Acting like tourists, Mr. Fraser, on your orders.

Oz:
But we could do with a sub, like, if you don't mind.

Fraser:
[Getting some money out of his wallet] Well, just drink up and move on out before my reputation in Marbella is ruined. [Geoffrey confronts them.]

Geoffrey:
Let me guess...

Fraser:
Oh, no...

Geoffrey:
Planning another bank robbery, are we?

Oz:
Oh, I remember this prick!

Fraser Oh, for Christ's sake!

Geoffrey:
Now look here, you may enjoy immunity from arrest in this country, but you are not immune from our contempt as decent British citizens!

Bomber:
Careful, boyo, you're way off mark.

Geoffrey:
Oh, am I? And I suppose the newspaper report was too?

Oz:
I'm surprised that ye reading a rag like that! I usually keep that one wedged behind a pipe in the bog!

Bomber:
[Stands up to Geoffrey] Yep, the matter's in the hands of our lawyers, see? And they'll be quite happy to take an action for slander as well.

Geoffrey:
[Feeling threatened] I refuse to be intimidated by you. You may have wealth now, criminally acquired of course, but that doesn't entitle you to.. to.. to.. [loudly] strut around here! Even if you were invited.

Oz:
Oh, I've had enough of this!

Fraser:
It's all right, sir. They're just on the very point of leaving.

Oz:
I'm not gannin naewhere! I'm not gannin naewhere, I'm talkin' about I've had enough of this bastard, Colonel Blimp! [To Geoffrey] Look, you, just suppose wor were bank robbers, right? At least wor crime's honest, isnit? It's up front at the end of a barrel where we get wor dough, whereas bastards like you, where do you get yours? On a balance sheet, or fiddlin' your friggin' income tax return!

Fraser:
[Attempting to quietly leave with Vicky] I think we'll skip lunch, Vicky. [They are stopped by the barman.]

Barman Your friend by the pool, he has ordered champagne. Who's paying? [Oz burps as Fraser looks around, realises it's Wayne who's ordered, and rolls his eyes.]