Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Vicky:
He's back. I'll have to go. Ta-ra. [Puts the phone down. Fraser enters the room, looking a little tired.]

Fraser:
Who were you talking to?

Vicky:
[Clears her throat.] Oh, I was just phoning La Mesa to see if you were still there.

Fraser:
I never went there.

Vicky:
Yeah, that's what they said. Where've you been, then?

Fraser:
Business.

Vicky:
Oh... well you might've said, instead of leavin' us here all night. I mean I could've stayed up at the villa with the others.

Fraser:
[Scoffs] The others? Why would you want to waste your time on a bunch of no-hopers like that for? Do ya think a bricklayer's gonna take you to the Marbella Club?

Vicky:
I meant like the couples. I mean that Dennis, he's...

Fraser:
Him especially! I don't want you talking to him, I don't even want you mentioning his name!

Vicky:
But he's your man, Ally.

Fraser:
Not anymore! Let me tell you that when the moment is right, Patterson has got his coming to him, and don't you go shouting your mouth off about that to his girlfriend Christine or whatever her name is.

Vicky:
Well, I wouldn't.

Fraser:
Oh, wouldn't you? So it wasn't you who mentioned that I might be staying down here permanently?

Vicky:
No... well, I might've mentioned somethin' casual...

Fraser:
Don't!

Vicky:
Well, are you?

Fraser:
That's my concern.

Vicky:
Oh, is that right? [Gets up from the settee] Well don't you think it's my concern as well? I mean, if you're decidin' to live down here for good, don't you think I've got the right to voice an opinion?

Fraser:
Look, Vicky, about the only place I've ever heard you voicing an opinion is in a boutique between this frock and the other one.

Vicky:
[Getting upset] Well, you can't expect me to stay down here, never to go home an' see me family an' me friends?

Fraser:
Oh, sorry, sorry, I realise I'm being very selfish(!) I realise all this can't be good enough for you(!) God almighty, how you must ache for the scenic splendour of that council estate in South Shields(!) [On the verge of tears, Vicky storms into the bedroom, followed by Fraser] How you must miss queueing in the supermarket for the baked beans and the Bounty bars and all the other exotic Friday nights down the club with the other scrubbers!

Vicky:
[Turns round, screaming] You're a bastard, Ally, an' I'd rather go back there than take this!

Fraser:
[Threateningly] Oh, no, you don't leave me. When you leave me is because I kick your arse out of here! [In a rage, Vicky picks up a bottle of cologne to use as a weapon, but Fraser overpowers her, pushing the bottle into the bedroom mirror, breaking both.]