Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Barry:
[Turning off the cement mixer] Fellas, could I just interrupt proceedings for a moment, please?

Dennis:
'Ey, we've got a lot to do, yer kna, Barry.

Barry:
[Climbing to the sun terrace] It won't take a minute, it's something I'd just like to get settled, please. [The lads down tools and gather.] See, I, er... I didn't sleep very much last night. No, I agonised...

Oz:
It's not off again, is it? 'Cos I've already rung Mercedes, yer present's comin' on Tuesday.

Barry:
No, no, no... it is to do with the wedding, mind.

Bomber:
I thought it might be.

Barry:
Ah. You see, fellas, I've got to choose a best man from one of you, like, and the thing is that I'm very, very concerned about not upsettinh the other unlucky five. You see... I've grown very close to all of you collectively, and each of you individually. I thought of you, first, Oz.

Oz:
Me?

Barry:
Think about it. A few wet Sunday nights in Port Stanley. That can forge a bond, can't it? [Everyone else except Oz chuckles]

Oz:
Whoa, hold on, hold on. Let's get one thing straight. When he says we forged a bond, it never went nae further than a couple of pints and a game of darts, yer kna.

Barry:
Nevertheless, Oz, you're still a contender. Bomber and Dennis... Ah-ha-ha. Difficult to separate in my mind. Both men have similar virtues. Ah-ha-ha. Anchors. Men of substance. Yeah. Best man material if I've ever seen it. Much the same could be said for Neville. Oh, d'you know in all the times we've known each other I cannot recall one cross word ever exchanged between the two of us.

Neville:
Bollocks!

Barry:
And your ready wit is something I've always admired about you.

Moxey:
His ready what?

Barry:
Moxey... it has to be said, that as of from this morning, Ladbrokes had you down as 33-1 outsider.

Moxey:
I'd have given it longer odds than that.

Barry:
But then, I thought to meself, "No, in Germany, Moxey and me, we were the outsiders. We weren't in the Geordie mafia." And it took a little while before we won the respect and affection of the other lads.

Wayne:
I get it. A bit like Miss World, ain't it, eh? Eliminate all the runners-up before you give me the sash.

Barry:
[Chuckles] Wayne... yes. You and me... poles apart in so many ways. But, nobody else has offered me more advice than you. Not always taken, not always wanted.

Oz:
Overtime tonight, Dennis?

Dennis:
Ho'way, Barry, the suspense is killing wor!

Barry:
Very well, very well. I'll come to the point, then. [The lads cheer ironically] I couldn't decide. [The lads groan] I thought the fairest thing to do... is to draw straws. The short one wins.