Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Oz:
Where is he, eh?

Neville:
Who?

Oz:
His mate, man. [Points to Barry] Fraser. Where is he?

Barry:
He's not my mate, I simply said that...

Oz:
Ahh... Where is he? [Storms into the villa where Dennis is doing the paperwork] Where's Fraser?

Dennis:
He's gone. Why?

Oz:
Why? Why? 'Cos I'm gonna smash his bastard face right through that floor, that's why! [Bangs the table and knocks Dennis's mug over spilling coffee all over the paperwork] I divvn't care who he is or what his reputation is!

Dennis:
What's gan on here, like? What's the matter, like?

Oz:
He might be rich an' have muscle, and punters like us lickin' his arse, but that doesn't allow him to dae what he's doin' with Vicky! He smashed the bastard flat up, ripped all her clobber to shreds, you should'ha seen what he wrote on the bathroom mirror!

Dennis:
I thought you were supposed to be pickin' up tiles!

Oz:
Never mind bastard tiles! [Neville comes in] They might have slaves over the water in Morocco, but this is Spain, right? She's British! I'm not gonna stand aboot while he treats her like a piece of shite! I'm tellin' yer!

Neville:
[To Dennis] What's this about?

Dennis:
It's Vicky.

Oz:
Yes, Vicky.

Neville:
Since when? [To Dennis] Did you know about this?

Dennis:
It's the first I've heard.

Oz:
Yes, well, I didn't put an advert in the local paper, yer kna. I have got some sense of discretion.

Neville:
The first I've heard.

Oz:
Look, where is he?

Dennis:
He's gone to the airport.

Oz:
The airport? Right, I'll get him there. [Starts to leave]

Dennis:
By the time you get there, he'll be well away, man.

Oz:
Look, you're not gonna stop us!

Dennis:
Look, just calm down, will ya! [Brenda comes downstairs]

Brenda:
You've woken the bairn! What's going on, Neville?

Dennis:
Brenda, can we just have a quiet word?

Brenda:
A quiet word, Dennis. [Goes back upstairs]

Dennis:
Look, man, by the time you get to the airport, he's gan be halfway across the Mediterranean, isn't he?

Oz:
Is he?

Neville:
If he's done off, where does that leave us?

Dennis:
We're taken care of. [To Oz] Look, I've hurt him much more than you ever could.

Oz:
Oh, you have? How's that, like? How ya done that?

Dennis:
Right, just come and sit doon, I've got summat to tell ya. Come here. Sit down [They sit at the table] Now listen, this goes no further than us three. That's all, right? No further, right?

Oz:
Yes, yes, right, right. What?

Dennis Right, when I went back to Newcastle last week, right? I was supposed to pick up some documents. That was just a pretext. Hallwood wanted us to bring this bag back here. I had me doubts about it, so I opened it.

Neville:
What was in it?

Dennis:
Cash. [Lights a cigarette] Tryin' to smuggle readies doon here, used me as his mule!

Neville:
Aye, that's risky.

Dennis:
It was, man! I got turned over at the airport!

Oz:
What happened to the cash?

Dennis:
Oh, I hid the cash, see, in Newcastle in a safe place.

Oz:
Ah, before ya left? Sound. Good thinking. How much was in it, the bag?

Dennis:
25 grand.

Oz:
What?!

Dennis:
25 grand! So don't worry about yer wages, man, I've got Ally by the bollocks, man!

Oz:
25 grand?

Dennis:
Aye!

Oz:
Christ, you pulled a flanker there, Den!

Neville:
Absolutely amazing!

Dennis:
So look, no matter how you're feeling like, man, just forget aboot it. Everything's alright! Okay?

Oz:
Oh aye, aye. Cool.

Dennis:
Well, let's get back to work, eh?

Oz:
Aye! [Oz and Dennis get up]

Neville:
Hang on, I've got a question here. [Oz and Dennis sit back down]

Dennis:
What's that?

Neville:
How long's this thing with Vicky been gannin on?