Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 2

Bomber:
If Barry doesn't show up, I'm pushin' off.

Oz:
Are you still seeing that lass who works in the cloakroom at the casino?

Bomber:
...I am that.

Oz:
[Chuckles] You must've put a few pesetas in her saucer, eh?

Moxey:
'Ey, I bet you have!

Vicky:
Look, here they are. [Barry and Hazel enter the bar.]

Oz:
Hello.

Barry:
Sorry we're late. Shouldn't have lingered after that pudding.

Hazel:
I think I'll go straight up, Barry.

Barry:
All right. [He and Hazel kiss, while all at the table make encouraging noises.]

Hazel:
Goodnight, everybody

Barry:
Won't be long, darling. [Exits for her room.]

Moxey:
You're not supposed to do it the night before the wedding. It's bad luck, isn't it?

Oz:
It certainly was for me.

Barry:
[Pulling up a chair] Where's everyone else? I thought we agreed to rendezvous for a nightcap.

Oz:
Ahhh, they've nashed off. Den and Nev went aboot an hour ago.

Vicky:
They didn't want to leave the girls alone.

Barry:
Wayne's down the port, is he, looking for tarts?

Oz:
Well, yer kna what he's like. Always scrappin' aboot lookin' for somethin' or somebody what's never ganna happen.

Moxey:
I said to him the other day, y'know, I said, "Wayne, get it into your 'ead, mate. There's nothin' amazing's gonna happen, y'know, that's suddenly gonna transform your life." [Oz wipes his eyes]

Bomber:
Aye. Bomber resigned himself to that years ago.

Barry:
My life's about to be transformed. For those of you who were polite enough to wait, I'd like to buy some champagne. [Everyone's up for that.] [To Carlos] Not too late for a bottle of champagne, is it, Carlos?

Carlos:
[Despondent] Tonight you drink 'til dawn. It's no difference for me.

Bomber:
So you've straightened out the old lady, then?

Carlos:
[Opening a bottle of champagne] No... the old lady, she leave me.

Barry:
Oh, dear.

Oz:
Well, I hope you're not tryin' to put that one doon to us, are yer?

Carlos:
We marry eleven years. [On the verge of tears] My heart it hurts, you know?

Moxey:
Er, Carlos? You're puttin' a real damper on things over here, mate. You might've kept it to yerself 'til after tomorrow.

Carlos:
[Popping the cork] Sorry.

Barry:
You'd better have a glass yourself, mate.

Carlos:
Gracias, señor. [Starts pouring himself a glass of champagne]

Barry:
I know you think I'm being sentimental. I suppose I am, really. [To Carlos] Chin up, mate. [Takes the bottle] But the fact that all the lads are going to be at my wedding tomorrow, that means a lot to me, you know. It means an awful lot.

Oz:
D'yer wanna keep the speech for tomorrow?

Barry:
No, I've got a speech for tomorrow written down. Finally, I want to let you know the best man situation has been resolved.

Moxey:
Oh, aye? Who's the unlucky bloke? [Laughs]

Barry:
Moxey, if you'd rather be at the port with Wayne, sniffing 'round tarts, don't let me stop you!

Moxey:
I was only joking!

Barry:
I never know if you're joking or not. This is a bloody moment of joy and celebration for me and I'd really like to treasure it.

Oz:
Barry, calm doon, man. Calm doon.

Barry:
[As Bomber checks his watch for the time] Am I keeping you, Bomber?

Bomber:
I'm just... scratching my wrist.

Barry:
No you're not, you're looking at your watch!

Oz:
Barry, man! Barry, for Christ's sake, man! Look, we all wanna treasure this moment with yer, right, but not all bastard night, so tell wor who's the best man, man!

Barry:
[Quietly] All of you.

Oz:
Eh?

Barry:
It's all six of you.

Oz:
What?

Barry:
Well, there's no rule saying that you only have to have one best man, so I'll have all six of you.