Better Call Saul, Season 1

[Jimmy is standing at a street corner with two skateboarders, planning a slip and fall scheme]

Jimmy:
Betsy Kettleman’s her name. Every weekday between 2:25 and 2:50, she comes through here on her way to pick up her kids at Kit Carson Elementary. Now, you need a place where she’s gonna slow down, am I right?

Lars:
Yeah.

Jimmy:
All right. Well. There you go. She slows down. She hangs a right. You come shooting out of there. You did what you did to me. You go ass over teakettle. You make it a blue-ribbon special. When she gets out of the car, you’re sufferin' St. Sebastian, right? You’re the hammer, okay? You get in her face. You scare the bejesus out of her. Give me your phone. [Jimmy inputs his number]

Lars:
It’s kind of busy here. Don’t you think?

Jimmy:
Well, witnesses are good. Witnesses are pressure. All right? Now, once you’ve got her good and rattled, then you call for an ambulance. But really, you’re calling for me. I'm number one on your speed dial, right next to your weed dealer. [Jimmy hands back the phone] You call me. I hotfoot it over here. I just "happen" to be driving by. I stop to see what the trouble is. And this is the most important part – you don’t know me. We’ve never met. You got it?

Skateboarders:
Sure.

Jimmy:
Okay. Now, I’m Mrs. K’s white knight. We go mano a mano. You light into me, okay? Get nasty. And no touching. Leave the hair alone. But otherwise, you know, open season. Yell. Stomp. Call me a douchebag. I’m gonna play it cool. Give me back some of the razzmatazz and once she’s seen the fireworks, you fold like a lawn chair – happy ending.

Lars:
When do we get our money?

Jimmy:
After.

Cal:
After.

Jimmy:
After. You get paid when I get paid. I’m the rising tide that raises all dinghies. Now, pop quiz – what’s the car?

Cal:
Mercury Sable wagon. Baby-poop brown.

Jimmy:
Okay. Do you know me?

Skateboarders:
No.

Jimmy:
Damn straight. Go with God.