Better Call Saul, Season 6

[Jimmy takes a guided tour of the country club where Howard and Cliff are members, meeting with a tour guide named Norm in the main lounge.]

Norm:
Hi, Norm Wakely. I understand you're in the market for a tour.

Jimmy:
That's right. Saul Goodman.

Norm:
Great to meet you, Mr. Goodman.

Jimmy:
No please, call me Saul.

Norm:
Great. So Saul, can I get you anything before we get started? The coffee here is just unbeatable.

Jimmy:
Uh, well, I'm fine. I'm fully caffeinated.

[Kevin Wachtell walks into the room and becomes upset upon seeing Jimmy in the lounge.]

Norm:
Well Saul, you and I are standing on hallowed ground. Five presidents have played on our course, starting with Dwight D. Eisenhower. But the story goes back even further than that–

Kevin:
Norm.

[Jimmy and Norm turn toward Kevin.]

Kevin:
Can I have a sec, please?

Jimmy:
Kevin, hey. How's it going?

Norm:
Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sure this will just be a moment.

[Norm goes over to Kevin and talks to him for a few moments, clearly being instructed to remove Jimmy from the premises.]

Norm:
Mr. Goodman. I'm so sorry, but I've just been reminded that in fact we have a two-year waiting list.

Jimmy:
Two years, wow. Maybe I could go on the tour anyway. I mean, 'cause I'm here. Just in case.

Norm:
Well unfortunately, we've suspended tours for the moment.

Jimmy:
You're not even giving tours?

Norm:
I apologize for the inconvenience. We–we'll be happy to call you if the situation changes. You left your number?

Jimmy:
Uh-huh.

Norm:
Well, we'll be in touch. If the situation changes. Again, I–I am sorry for your time and trouble. We just–[sighs] We had a few crosswires.

Jimmy:
Well... okay then.

Norm:
Thank you.

[Jimmy is about the leave the lounge, but impulsively stops, turns around, and approaches Norm again.]

Jimmy:
I'm sorry.

Norm:
Oh, yes.

Jimmy:
Um, just so I understand: you were going to give me a tour and then realized you don't need new members?

Norm:
We have a waiting list.

Jimmy:
Okay, but you're the membership director...

Norm:
I know.

Jimmy:
...so you would have known that before. It doesn't really add up. I mean, I came in and everyone was rolling out the red carpet, and then all of a sudden something changed. I don't–

Norm:
Mr. Goodman, I–

Jimmy:
Goodman. The name. The second you heard it, everything turned on a dime. Wow. Waiting list? I think you're talking about an exclusion list. It's okay, I should have known. Because, I mean, look! [raises his voice and walks to the middle of the lounge, where everyone can see him] It's wall-to-wall mayonnaise in here! So listen, if you're going to be restrictive, have the courage to say so!

Norm:
There's no question–

Jimmy:
There it is, folks! Anti-Semitism, alive and well right here in Albuquerque!

Norm:
Sir! We have many Jewish members!

Jimmy:
Oh, good. Well, you met your quota then. Gold star for you.

[Kevin, flanked by two of his golf buddies, interjects]

Kevin:
Hold on. That's gotta be the biggest load of horse crap I've ever heard in my life. Go crawl back in your hole, McGill or Goodman–whatever you're calling yourself. What are you up to, anyway? Ginning up another one of your put-up job lawsuits? You two-faced, blackmailing, money-grubbing son of a bitch!

Jimmy:
Money-grubbing! You're saying the quiet part out loud, I think.

Norm:
Gentlemen, can we just keep the volume down?

Kevin:
You know damn well that's not what I meant!

Jimmy:
In this day and age, I'd hoped and prayed we'd be beyond this.

Kevin:
You're about as Jewish as my Aunt Fannie!

Jimmy:
Five-thousand years and it never ends!

[Kevin tries to take a swing at Jimmy, but is held back by his golf buddies]

Jimmy:
Here it is! Violence! It always comes to this!

Norm:
Mr. Wachtell, please!

Kevin's Buddy:
Come on, Kev.

Kevin:
[to Jimmy] You go to hell, you lying sack of shit.

[Kevin and his golf buddies leave the lounge]

Norm:
Sir. Mr. Goodman, I don't know what to say. That is not–

Jimmy:
I wouldn't be a member here. I wouldn't walk through those doors again after what happened to me here today. [feigns tears] Do you at least have a bathroom that I could use, seeing as how my–Stress like that is hell on my diverticulitis.

Norm:
The men's locker room is the closest. It's straight through there.

Jimmy:
And I would be allowed to go in there?

Norm:
Yes, of course.

Jimmy:
I want you to know I don't blame you personally. I know you were just following orders. [to everyone in the lounge] It's okay, folks! I'm leaving! All is well!