Bottom, Series 1

Richie:
Do you know how many birds there are in the world?

Eddie:
Yeah, about three billion.

Richie:
Do you know how many of them I've slept with?

Eddie:
Yep.

Richie:
None.

Eddie:
Yeah, I know.

Richie:
I mean, statistically that's really quite phenomenal, isn't it?

Eddie:
Not for an ugly fat bastard like you it isn't.

Richie:
I wonder what sort of great bird'd suit me?

Eddie:
Blind one. Well, blind deaf masochist really.