Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–2021) is an American comedy series, airing on FOX and NBC set in the fictional 99th Precinct of the New York City Police Department. It follows the precinct's team of detectives and their newly-appointed captain. more »

Jake:
I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.

Boyle:
Yeah, you would! And everyone would call you "The Handsome Bandit".

Jake:
Thank you, Charles. And the best part is, none of you could catch me.

Terry:
Oh, come on.

Holt:
I'm fairly certain you would be caught. No, scratch that. I'm 100% sure you'd be caught.

Jake:
Ho-ho-ho! All right, challenge accepted.

Holt:
I didn't issue a challenge.

Jake:
Fine, I'll issue it for you. What's the most valuable thing in your office?

Holt:
My Medal of Valor.

Jake:
God, you are such a hero. All right, how about this; I bet you that by midnight tonight, I can steal the Medal of Valor from your office.

Holt:
Why would I possibly agree to that?

Jake:
Because if I lose, I'll work the next five weekends. No overtime. And I won't tell anyone here about the time I saw you wearing short-shorts outside of work. But if I win-

Holt:
You won't.

Jake:
-you have to do all of my paperwork tonight, the busiest and spookiest night of the year. And you have to publicly state that I am an amazing detective/genius.

Holt:
And this won't interfere with you doing your job?

Jake:
You mean my job as an amazing detective/genius? No, it will not. I will do all of my work, guaranteed.

Holt:
I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Jake:
All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.

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Submitted by wikidude on June 03, 2024

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