Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1

Jake:
I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.

Boyle:
Yeah, you would! And everyone would call you "The Handsome Bandit".

Jake:
Thank you, Charles. And the best part is, none of you could catch me.

Terry:
Oh, come on.

Holt:
I'm fairly certain you would be caught. No, scratch that. I'm 100% sure you'd be caught.

Jake:
Ho-ho-ho! All right, challenge accepted.

Holt:
I didn't issue a challenge.

Jake:
Fine, I'll issue it for you. What's the most valuable thing in your office?

Holt:
My Medal of Valor.

Jake:
God, you are such a hero. All right, how about this; I bet you that by midnight tonight, I can steal the Medal of Valor from your office.

Holt:
Why would I possibly agree to that?

Jake:
Because if I lose, I'll work the next five weekends. No overtime. And I won't tell anyone here about the time I saw you wearing short-shorts outside of work. But if I win-

Holt:
You won't.

Jake:
-you have to do all of my paperwork tonight, the busiest and spookiest night of the year. And you have to publicly state that I am an amazing detective/genius.

Holt:
And this won't interfere with you doing your job?

Jake:
You mean my job as an amazing detective/genius? No, it will not. I will do all of my work, guaranteed.

Holt:
I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Jake:
All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.