Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3

[The elevator doors open and the new captain of the 99th Precinct walks out and stands in front of the gathered officers and detectives.]

Dozerman:
Hello. I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Seth Dozerman. My motto is simple: efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.

Jake:
Could probably just say it once.

Dozerman:
Are you making fun of my stutter?

Jake:
Oh. Uh-

Dozerman:
Tricked you! I don't have a stutter. Boom! I've already established my authority through my amazing sense of humor.

Terry:
Well done, sir. Welcome to the 9-9. I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.

Dozerman:
And I'm not interested. I have no use for people. I find people weird and confusing. I live my life by numbers. You see this watch? It tells be how many calories I burn at any time. Question- how many calories do you think I burned walking from there to there? [Points from the elevator to where he is standing, then addresses Amy.] You, female closest to me.

Amy:
Oh! Uh, three?

Dozerman:
Three?! Haaaa ha-ha-ha! Try 0.8, numbnuts! I made promises to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard- no, no! Strike that! Four times as hard! No, no no! Strike that! I NEED YOU MORONS TO WORK EIGHT TIMES HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER WORKED, IN YOUR ENTIRE LIVES! I'm having a heart attack. Yep, I'm havin' a heart attack. [Falls to his knees] Get back to work. [Falls to the floor and passes out.]

Terry:
Get a doctor!