Family Guy, Season 12

Brian:
Damn it, Stewie! What the hell did you do?!

Stewie:
I know, I know, I messed up.

Brian:
[Mocks] "I messed up!" [Normal voice] You went back to 17th-century Jamestown and you gave guns to the Indians. And now they're running everything!

Stewie:
I said I messed up, all right?! I guess I just have this pathological need to be liked.

Brian:
Well, it's not a good trait.

Stewie:
Oh, come on. Don't say that. Let me buy you lunch.

Brian:
Thanks to you, the Indians killed all the white people and took over America! I mean, you're the one who's always saying "never alter the past".

Stewie:
Oh, come on, Brian, let's be honest. I frequently alter the past.

[Cutaway to Jesus and the 12 apostles. Jesus is reading a paper]

Jesus:
All right, so, I guess we'll split the bill 13 ways?

Stewie:
Hey, Judas, he ordered like 5 margaritas. All you had was a salad.