Magnum, P.I., Season 3

Magnum:
Higgins! Higgins! What the hell did you do to my house?!

Higgins:
Magnum, old stick, isn't your attire a trifle bizarre, even for you? Even for breakfast?

Magnum:
[looks at what he is wearing] My underwear! What happened to my underwear?!

Higgins:
Probably another lost and sordid night with a chorus girl from the Kit Kat Club. Please stand down wind, I'm sure you simply reek of cheap rye whiskey!

Magnum:
What is this?! What kind of practical joke are you trying to pull?!

Higgins:
I? I crazed? My dear fellow, it is not I ranting the lawn in my BVDs! Now I suggest a shower and a pot of black coffee.

Magnum:
Okay, Okay! Enough's enough. Oh, I can take a joke. See...I'm smiling, like a good sport.

Higgins:
Magnum, in less than 25 minutes the other members of my croquet club will arrive for practice and brunch. This is our last opportunity for strategy and tactics...

Magnum:
Croquet?!! You short sheet my whole house and you wanna talk about croquet?!!

Higgins:
Well, what with the frightful unemployment with the Depression, despite the commendable efforts of your President Roosevelt...

Magnum:
Oh, sure, Higgins! Good ol' FDR! I'm right with ya!

Higgins:
The chaps decided that Polo was a bit ostentatious, so we've returned to more Proletariat pursuits. Everybody's going to shoulder more...

Magnum:
Enough...Enough!...Enough!!! This is not funny. Okay, okay, you croquet your hearts out, but hear this ultimatum-Immediately! Immediately!! I want my furniture, my phone, and my shorts...!!! ...Back!!!