Midnight Mass

Riley Flynn:
[as Erin is being killed by the angel] So what do you think happens when we die, Erin?

Erin Greene:
Speaking for myself?

Riley Flynn:
Speaking for yourself.

Erin Greene:
Myself. My self. That's the problem. That's the whole problem with the whole thing. That word, "self." That's not the word. That's not right. That isn't. How did I forget that? When did I forget that? [pause] The body stops a cell at a time, but the brain keeps firing those neurons. Little lightning bolts, like fireworks inside, and I thought I'd despair, or feel afraid, but I don't feel any of that, none of it, because I'm too busy. I'm too busy in this moment. Remembering, of course. I remember every atom in my body was forged in a star. This matter, this body, is mostly just empty space after all. And solid matter? It's just energy vibrating very slowly, and there is no me. There never was. The electrons of my body mingle and dance with the electrons of the ground below me and the air. I'm no longer breathing. And I remember there is no point where any of that ends and I begin. I remember I am energy. Not memory. Not self. My name, my personality, my choices, all came after me. I was before them, and I will be after, and everything else is pictures picked up along the way. Fleeting little dreamlets printed on the tissue of my dying brain. And I am lightning that jumps between. I am the energy firing the neurons and I'm returning. Just by remembering, I'm returning home. More galaxies in the universe than grains of sand on the beach. And that's what we're talking about when we say God. The one. The cosmos and its infinite dreams. We are the cosmos dreaming of itself. It's simply a dream that I think is my life, every time. But I'll forget this. I always do. I always forget my dreams. But now, in this split-second, in the moment I remember, the instant I remember, I comprehend everything at once. There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream. It's a wish...made again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and on into eternity. And I am all of it. I am everything. I am all. I am that I am.