Monty Python's Flying Circus, Series 2

[The Hungarian gentleman enters with phrase book and meets the tobacconist]

Hungarian:
[reading his phrase book] I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Tobacconist:
[confused] Sorry?

Hungarian:
I will not buy this record, it is scratched.

Tobacconist:
No, no, no. This is tobacconist's.

Hungarian:
Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist's, it is scratched.

Tobacconist:
No, no, no...tobacco...er, cigarettes?

Hungarian:
Yes, cigarettes. My hovercraft is full of eels.

Tobacconist:
[more confused] What?

Hungarian:
[miming matches] My hovercraft is full of eels.

Tobacconist:
Matches, matches? [showing some]

Hungarian:
Yah, yah. [taking cigarettes and matches and pulls out loose change; he consults his book] Er, do you want...do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

Tobacconist:
I don't think you're using that right.

Hungarian:
You great pouf.

Tobacconist:
That'll be six and six, please.

Hungarian:
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I am no longer infected.

Tobacconist:
[miming that he wants to see the book; he takes the book] It costs six and six... [mumbling as he searches] Costs six and six...Here we are...Yandelvayasna grldenwi stravenka.

[The Hungarian hits the tobacconist between the eyes. The policeman, walking along the street, suddenly stops and puts his hand to his ear. He starts running down the street, round corner and down another street, round yet another corner and down another street into the shop]

Policeman:
What's going on here?

Hungarian:
[to the policeman] You have wonderful thighs.

Policeman:
[shocked and confused] What?!

Tobacconist:
[points to the Hungarian] He hit me!

Hungarian:
Drop your panties, Sir William! I cannot wait til' lunchtime!

Policeman:
Right! [drags the Hungarian away]

Hungarian:
Ah! My nipples explode with delight!