Peep Show, Series 4

Priest:
...but first I'm required to ask anyone present who knows the reason why these persons may not lawfully marry to declare it now.

Mark:
(Oh please, someone save me! Jeremy? Spacemen?!)

Priest:
The vows you are about to take are to be made in the name of God, who is Judge of all and knows all the secrets of our hearts...

Mark:
(He's ladelling it on now. Is that in the proper thing or has he just added that to needle me?)

[Sophie begins to cry]

Mark:
(Oh great, now she's crying. I probably look like a wife beater. It's not fair! I'm unhappy too!)

Priest:
Will you take Sophie Hortensia Chapman...

Mark:
("Hortensia"? Oh, this is a fucking disaster. Look at me! I'm one of those men women read about in their magazines!)

Priest:
...and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live?

Mark:
I will. (That's it. I've ruined it! I've ruined my life! You only get one life, and I've ruined mine.)

Priest:
[to Sophie] ...as long as you both shall live?

Mark:
(Please don't say "I will".)

Sophie:
[sobbing] I will.

Mark:
(Uggh!)

Priest:
Then I now pronounce you man and wife. (both Mark and Sophie weep) You may kiss the bride.

[They kiss briefly]

Mark:
(Tears of joy. They're tears of joy. That's the line we both stick to, now and for the rest of our miserable lives!)