Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Series Two

Gordon:
Have you cooked mussels before?

Dave:
No.

Gordon:
You're pulling my plonker, now aren't you? You've never cooked a mussel?

Dave:
Right, we can shout or you can fucking help. I don't mind.

Gordon:
What you mean I can help?

Dave:
Eh?

Gordon:
What did we do for the last...

Dave:
Yeah, okay, fine. You're right. Sorry.

Gordon:
What did we do for the last two hours?

Dave:
Fine, so what do we want in here?

Gordon:
I'm just amazed you've never cooked a mussel.

Dave:
I haven't! Don't take the piss out of me for it, though.

Gordon:
Who's taking the piss?

Dave:
You are!

Gordon:
I don't think you can actually cook!

Dave:
If you'd have fucking talked to me...

Gordon:
If you can't cook a fucking mussel...! Yerse!

Dave:
No, if you had fucking talked to - YOUEGH! ERGH!

Gordon:
Go on!

Dave:
Eh?

Gordon:
Go on!

Dave:
Yeah! Erngh!

Gordon:
Finish it, then.

Dave:
Finish what?

Gordon:
What are you about to say?

Dave:
Are you--What am I about to say?

Gordon:
Cook a mussel.

Dave:
No! I haven't cooked one.

Gordon:
Right. Okay. So shall I show you how to cook a mussel?

Dave:
Oh, at last. Thank you. Yes, please.

Gordon:
Right. Are you going to tone your voice down, or are you going to shout like some dick?

Dave:
I'll shout like some dick, and then I'll calm down.

Gordon:
Right. Well, why don't you fuck off to the book shop, read how to cook a mussel and come back and see me, and I'll run your fucking restaurant.

Dave:
Thank you!

Gordon:
Plonker.

Dave:
Twat.

Gordon:
Fucking hell, what's all that about? Jesus Christ! Well, at least, he broke the ice now, we know where we stand. "Yeah!?"