Red vs. Blue, Season 3

[Upon arriving in Battle Creek]

Sarge:
Hello? Anyone? Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. Clicks off radio Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated somehow.

Caboose:
My toes, are getting pruney.

Sarge:
Ooookay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley?

Caboose:
I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates!

Sarge:
Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left… and the carpet… and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if y'know what I mean.

[Caboose rounds the corner to see a blue man laying on the ground]

Caboose:
Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!

Sarge:
What? Holy Macaroon... [Sarge runs over to inspect the blue] He's not sleeping son, he's dead.

Caboose:
Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.

Sarge:
No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find my-self torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the universe, but now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, No sir. [Sarge turns to the dead blue] Rest in piece...scumbag.

[Caboose rounds the next corner to find a small area with bullet holes in the walls, blood on the ground and walls and many reds and blues lying on the ground]

Caboose:
Look, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times!

Sarge:
What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. [Calls out] Hello? Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors? Preferably any RED survivors. Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue! I won't step on your neck or anything like that.

Caboose:
Am I allowed to answer?

Sarge:
Shhh, quiet. You hear that?

[Trumpet starts playing in the background, getting steadily louder playing 'Reveille']

Caboose:
Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy.

Sarge:
I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard.

Caboose:
I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason... Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together!

Sarge:
Wait a minute! I know that song! That's Reveille! But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of-

[At this point all the supposedly dead red's and blue's jump up cheering and yelling]

Sarge:
Sweet jibbling jibblets!!

Caboose:
Running time!

[The numerous soldiers run past Sarge and Caboose, running into their respective bases chanting 'hup, hup, hup', etc.]

Sarge:
What just happened here?"

Caboose:
I think all the sleeping people were trying t-

Sarge:
That was rhetorical.

[Sarge runs over to a window through which you can hear unintelligible cheers]

Sarge:
Get over here, gimmie a boost.

Caboose:
Okay...[Walks over to Sarge] You are a good person, and people say nice things about you.

Sarge:
Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.

Caboose:
That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.

Sarge:
I know... I need you to help me look through it.

Caboose:
I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, and that window is square.

Sarge:
C'mere you...