Red vs. Blue, Season 5

Sarge:
Simmons, (coughing) status report.

Simmons:
Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky, and landed on Donut, sir.

Sarge:
Are there any other injuries?

Simmons:
No, sir!

Sarge:
You sure?

Simmons:
I think so.

Sarge:
Are you sure? No one accidentally got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off during the incredible distraction of a spaceship crash landing, purely by coincidence?

Simmons:
Uh, I don't kno-

Sarge:
No one orange?

Grif:
Ugh, I'm fine.

Simmons:
Sorry, sir.

Sarge:
Oh, dehrh. [examines his shotgun] I really need to adjust the sights on this thing.

Simmons:
What about Private Donut Sir, there's no way he survived that. Poor Donut, I'll miss him like a sister

Sarge:
I'll miss him like, well, like someone I knew, but then I don't really want to reflect on how deep our relationship went.

Simmons:
Wait a second, do you hear that? Sounds like tapping.

Grif:
All I hear is you guys talking about your feelings for Donut. And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that.

Simmons:
Listen, there it is again.

Sarge:
You're absolutely right. That sounds like Morris Code.

Simmons:
Um, excuse me sir. It's actually not Morris Code, it's Morse code, sir.

Sarge:
Morse, haha, that sounds ridiculous, I don't think so.

Simmons:
Yes. Morse is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio, Morris was a television cat that sold cat food.

Sarge:
And that cat was one of our finest military minds. Don't you see, that mean Donut is alive and trying to contact us.. Now, get to tappin'.

Simmons:
Maybe we can lift the ship off him somehow.

Sarge:
Great idea, Simmons! I've read reports that people can get enormous strength in stressful situations. There was woman that lifted a car off her baby.

Grif:
You want me to call Donut's mother?

Sarge:
Don't make me angry Grif, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Now if there was only some way to tap into our inner rage...like that Hulk fella. Doggonnit, there's never any Gamma Radiation around when you need it.

Simmons:
What if we try getting into the ship, and lowering the landing gear? That might raise the ship.

Sarge:
Or we could build an army of clones that could lift the ship.

Simmons:
I think the jack in the warthog might be able to lift it.

Sarge:
We could develop a machine that shrinks the ship, or that makes Donut gigantic, or both.

Simmons:
Or we could try digging underneath the hull.

Sarge:
I've got it! A levitation ray! I think I have a spare in the base! I'll be right back.

Simmons:
But sir!

Sarge:
Simmons this is no time to chat about your crackpot theories! I'll get the levitation ray! This is a crisis situation, time to save the day, with science! [Sarge gets into the Warthog and drives off]

Grif:
Sigh...Sarge just drove away with our jack, didn't he?

Simmons:
And our shovels. Sometimes I'm amazed our entire platoon hasn't starved to death.