Rick and Morty, Season 1

Jerry:
Meh, try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid. And there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.

Morty:
You're missing the point, Dad... I don't want girls. I want Jessica!

Jerry:
Ah, well... I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "your mom". And that's not an urban diss—your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought...

Rick:
[opens cupboard] "I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me."

Jerry:
I beg your pardon, Rick. Inappropriate.

Rick:
[rummages freezer and fridge] Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you wanna take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. His marriage is hanging from a thread.

Jerry:
My marriage is FINE, thank you.

Rick:
Jerry, it's your house. Whatever you say it is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.

Morty:
C'mon, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that!

Rick:
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.