South Park, Season 10

Kyle:
[to Stan and Kenny] Guys, can I talk to you?

Stan:
Sure, dude.

Kyle:
I need you to keep quiet about this, alright?

[Cartman walks up]

Kyle:
My little brother and his teach—-

Cartman:
Bros, it's almost class time. Need ya start clearing the hallways, alright?

Kyle:
Not now, Cartman, I have really serious problems!

Stan:
Dude, what's the matter?

Kyle:
The kindergarten teacher is having sex with my little brother.

[long silence]

Stan:
Wow.

Kenny:
Really?!

Cartman:
Damn, bro, your lil' brother is pretty cool.

Kyle:
It's not cool! Ike isn't old enough to understand!

Cartman:
What's there to understand? You get a boner, slap her titties around a bit, then stick it inside her and pee.

[long pause]

Kyle:
[sarcastically] Stick it inside her and pee?

Cartman:
Well, okay, fine, unless you don't want her to get pregnant. Then you pull it out and pee on her leg.

Stan:
Dude, I really don't see a problem.

Cartman:
Yeah, I got bigger things to deal with.

Kyle:
You guys don't understand! His wacko teacher's like a schoolgirl! They pass notes in the classroom, they have sex at her house over lunch break!

[Cartman starts to walk away]

Kyle:
And during class, they sneak out and kiss in the hallways!

[Cartman pauses]

Cartman:
They what?

Kyle:
They sneak out during class and make out in the hallways.

Cartman:
[turns around] Hang on a second. Making out in the hallways is strictly against school policy.

Kyle:
Well, they're doing it.

Cartman:
Yeah, well, now it's personal. The hallways are my jurisdiction. If someone's making a hall infraction, they're gonna deal with the Dawg!