SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3

Squidward:
Hmm, honey...? [wakes up] What? [groaning] Ohh! I have got to get my hands on a Krabby Patty! And no one's gonna stop me! [runs out of his house, panting, but tiptoes past SpongeBob's house, then pants some more to the Krusty Krab, putting his face up against the door] There it is... unguarded! All I have to do is--! Wait, it's too easy. There must be some kind of... [sees dripping coming from above the door inside] ...security? [looks up and notices a bucket] This is our burglar alarm? A bucket of water? Ha-ha. [walks in, knocking the bucket off the door] That was too easy. [sniffs] Hey, this isn't water. This is... [realizes] gas!

[A robotic arm with an ignited match drops it, lighting a screaming Squidward on fire, who runs all the way into the kitchen, where another bucket of gas falls on him and then fire is seen again, as he screams again in pain. Finally, he walks up to the Patty Vault, wide-eyed, and opens the door to reveal hundreds and hundreds of Krabby Patties. In later TV airings, after Squidward says "There it is...", the camera zooms in on the Patty Vault, and Squidward does the same routine after the zoom in.]

Squidward:
[gasps] Holy shrimp! I don't know where to start. [picks up a patty] All that matters is that it's just you... and me... and nobody...

SpongeBob:
Squidward? [Squidward's face drops] Is that you?

Squidward:
[turns around] SpongeBob? Uh, uh, uh... what are you doing here? [points at SpongeBob. While pointing at him, he notices he's showing the patty in his hand and puts it behind his back again]

SpongeBob:
I always come to work at 3:00 AM. This is when I count the sesame seeds. [takes off his green hat] What are you doing here?

Squidward:
Uhh, I forgot my...

SpongeBob:
And why is the patty vault open?

Squidward:
Oh, I thought that...

SpongeBob:
And why are you holding a patty behind your back?

Squidward:
I... I... I... no, I didn't do...

SpongeBob:
And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And... [stops, and grins very smugly]

Squidward:
No, no, wait...it's not what you think. Th-This is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I... Listen, I am telling you! You better listen to me, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob:
You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?

Squidward:
Yes! Yes! I admit it, SpongeBob! I LOVE KRABBY PATTIES!!!! [eats two patties]

SpongeBob I knew it all along, Squidward. No one can resist a Krabby Patty. [Squidward eats a bunch of Krabby Patties in all sorts of ways, even a dozen at a time] Squidward! How many are you eating? Squidward! [Squidward keeps eating all the Krabby Patties in the vault, Pac-Man style] Squidward, you can't eat all those patties at one time! SQUIDWARD!!!

Squidward:
What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?

SpongeBob:
No, worse - it'll go right to your thighs!

Squidward:
My thighs? [pan down showing Squidward's enlarged thighs]

SpongeBob ...and then you blow up!

[Then the Krusty Krabs explodes. We see the ambulence carrying Squidward's head while the physician carries a bucket of Squidward's body]

Physician:
[chuckles] I remember my first Krabby Patty...

[Episode ends]